Last Posting of 2009!

December is a month filled with many time-honored traditions: holiday gatherings (aka too much eating and drinking), lists of resolutions for the new year ahead, and, according to People and Entertainment Weekly, retrospectives on the year just passed. While I was reading one of these "What happened/Who died/Who split-up" year-end issues, I decided to compose a little retrospective of my own. Although 2009 was not such a great year (read: crappy) for me and my family, I thought I'd take a look back on Daniel's year and all that he's experienced and accomplished in those 12 months. Here we go...

January 2009 held so much promise. My little boy was 18 months old and growing by leaps and bounds. We visited the synagogue that would eventually become his camp and preschool, and fell in love with the intimacy of such a warm and caring community. At the end of the month, we left for our extended stay in Florida.

We spent much of February in Boca Raton with my parents. Daniel enjoyed trips to the Palm Beach Zoo and the Children's Museum, and we even managed a couple pool days (despite chilly February temperatures). Daniel's favorite activity was to look out the kitchen window at the cranes on the back lawn and yell, "Cock! Cock! Cock!"

March brought us back home to Philadelphia, where Daniel continued Little Gym, Forever Making Music, and Mommy & Me at Beth Or. In April, we enjoyed the transition to warmer weather and more time on the playground.

May was a terrible month. If you still don't know why, don't worry about it. We're all focusing on moving forward. The best part about a new year is leaving all of the crap from last year behind. So long, May 2009, don't let the door hit you in the ass!

June was a sort of "rebirth" for all of us. Daniel turned 2 with a family party in Longport, NJ. He started camp the following week. It was a little bit rough at first, as he would scream and cry when I dropped him off in the morning, but within 2 weeks he was happy as a clam! His camp counselor told me that he was having a blast with the other kids, and I noticed his vocabulary start to explode. He was talking a blue streak!

July was characterized by many weekend trips down the Shore. As soon as we crossed the Somers Point bridge, Daniel would start to ask for "Mimi and Pops." He loved these laid-back weekends spent with his Daddy's family, riding his tricycle around the block to go look at the boats on the bay. We took him to the Ocean City amusements and to Storybookland. By the end of the summer, Daniel went on a ride by himself for the very first time!

August marked the end of camp (boo-hoo!) as well as the end of the Shore season. We snuck in as many trips to the beach and playground as we could manage. Daniel loved to stand in the driveway of the shore house and fill up his inflatable pool with water from the garden hose. He never actually got into the pool, but he asked for the hose constantly!

In September, Daniel started preschool (Hallelujah!). He adjusted almost immediately to this new experience. Many of his camp friends were in his class, and the teachers couldn't have been any more caring or compassionate. On days when he wasn't at school, Daniel returned to Little Gym and music class. By the end of the month, he was staying at school until 1:00 for lunch.

October took us to many local farms and pumpkin patches. Daniel loved the hayrides (well, really just the tractors that pulled them) and made me chase him through many a cornstalk maze. Halloween was a blast. Daniel dressed as Bob the Builder and trick-or-treated around our entire cul-de-sac! Despite my efforts to influence his candy choices, he seemed most interested in the lollipops. I gotta work on him for next year.

By November, Daniel was talking in pseudo-complete sentences. He was singing songs and playing along on his multiple musical instruments. Daddy brought home an old drum kit and set up shop in our dining room, where Daniel has spent many a morning/afternoon/evening banging away. Don't get me wrong -- the kid has rhythm! He seems to be a natural.

December has flown by, and here we are on the eve of the last day of 2009 (Hallelujah!). My gorgeous little boy is now 2 and a half years old. He loves school. He's curious and intuitive. Best of all, he's sweet and loving. I can't wait to see what he accomplishes in 2010!

Impervious to...Everything

Daniel is a trooper. Of course, most 2-year-olds are. Not only do they believe they are invincible, but they pretty much are. You know how the U.S. Post Office's slogan says they will deliver the mail come sleet, snow, rain, mudslide, or tsunami? (I'm paraphrasing.) My toddler will play outside in all aforementioned weather conditions. With no hat or gloves. Coat unzipped, inappropriate footwear, whatever. This past Saturday, we got our first snowfall of the season. Daniel insisted on going outside. ("Walk!" he demands.) I have not yet purchased snow boots or any sort of winter gear for him. But I knew the snow and cold wouldn't bother him, so I figured, "What the heck?" I stuffed his feet into last year's boots, pulled his coat sleeves down over his hands, and sent him outside.

He stayed out there for a good half-hour. Even then, he resisted Peter's attempts to get him back in the house. His hands and face were red, he could barely walk in his small boots, but he was having the time of his life. Cold temperatures and wet clothes weren't going to stop him. Peter was a different story. He couldn't wait to come inside, grumbling about the cold. I wonder what changes between the magical years of childhood and becoming a cynical adult. When do we lose the ability to weather all sorts of uncomfortable environments for the sake of good old-fashioned fun? What makes us adults such whiners?

And that's just where weather is concerned. Let's talk about pain for a moment. We all know that women have a remarkable tolerance for pain (trust me -- I delivered Daniel without medicinal assistance). But so does Daniel. He hurts himself at least once a day, and rarely makes a peep. Today I picked him up from school to find a huge scratch under one eye. His teacher doesn't know how it happened because Daniel didn't even flinch when it did. I'm thrilled that he's so resilient and not overly dramatic, but I am truly stumped as to how he will one day turn into his father. Peter cannot endure needles. He can't even handle a paper cut or hangnail without a lot of complaining. If he is feeling under the weather, he curls up in a ball on the sofa and moans. What happened to the little boy who was once impervious to pain? And, most importantly, is there any way I can keep Daniel from growing out of that?

A Perplexing Bathtime

Last night, as we attempted to give Daniel a bath, something strange happened. He wasn't at all hesitant to climb into the bathtub (which he has been a couple of times), but it pretty much all went downhill from there.

As he stood in 3 or 4 inches of water, testing it out before sitting down, Daniel peed. Now, this has happened before. He has peed while running naked down the hall towards the bathroom, as well as in the bathtub itself. I'm sure most moms would tell you this is very common. In fact, my Daniel might be one of the few 2-year-olds who has never pooped in the tub (though now I'm sure I've jinxed it).

For some reason, this time was different. He sat down in the tub, but he couldn't stop looking down at his penis. It was like he was scared by what had come out of there. I tried to wash him, but he kept whining and whimpering, saying, "Out, mommy, out!" He wouldn't play with his bath toys, or even take his hands off the edge of the tub. He just continued glancing down at his penis, distressed.

Washing his hair was interesting, since his head was pressed against my arm. When I rinsed the shampoo, most of the water poured over the side of the tub and onto my leg. All the while, I was trying to comfort him, telling him it was okay and that he was fine. But he wouldn't hear any of it. When I finally shut off the water and lifted him out of the tub, he seemed to calm down. Peter insisted on giving him some "naked time" before putting on his diaper, but Daniel just wrapped the towel more tightly around himself and dragged it into his room.

Once he was dressed and ready for bed, he was relaxed. There was no stress or unhappiness. I'm still not 100% sure that his peeing in the tub is what freaked him out. I'm just guessing because the whole situation was so strange. Tuesday night's bath should be interesting.

On This Especially Poignant Thanksgiving...

This Thanksgiving is the first time I think I've ever felt such enormous gratitude. Sure, I'm a grateful person by nature. It's hard not to be when you survive a stroke at age 24, only to make a full recovery and be able to return to your normal life with nothing more than a little pill to keep you going. As most people now know, this past year has been a roller coaster of hopefulness and sadness for me. I continue to try and focus on the positive (which is not hard to do when you have such a gorgeous little boy greet you with a smile each morning). This year's list honors the people, places, and things in my life which are purely GOOD.

First and foremost, I am thankful for this little boy:


I'm also thankful for this guy, who happens to be an amazing Daddy:


And, of course, I'm thankful for this fluffy ball of love:


Sometimes I lie in bed with Daniel, Peter, and Ollie, and I'm overwhelmed by the amount of love and belonging I feel. I am loved unconditionally by all 3 of them, and they are my rock.

I am thankful to Daniel's school for making him feel so special and for encouraging him to try new things. I am thankful for my yoga class, which keeps me physically and mentally in shape and is a constant reminder of all that I have accomplished in the past 8 years. I am thankful for my Mommy friends, with whom I can commiserate without fear of being judged (and whose stories of personal struggle have gotten me through this tough year). I am thankful for cozy nights at home with my family, when it doesn't matter if I have a pimple or I'm a little bloated. All I'm expected to do is be present, in mind and body.

This list wouldn't be complete without some degree of superficiality. On that front, I'm thankful for chili lime tortilla chips, In Style magazine, and my Old Navy fleece pants. I'm thankful for TV shows like Glee and The Office, which always bring a smile to my face, and for actors like Simon Baker and Hugh Laurie, who aren't entirely unpleasant to stare at for an hour a week!

To sum it all up, I'm thankful to have the opportunity to be a stay-at-home mom. It is a blessing to spend each day with my little boy. With him in my life, even the dreariest days have sunshine.

My, How Time Flies

After dropping Daniel off at school this morning, I went to visit my dear friend Ali and her 2-week-old baby girl, Gabrielle. Though I'm sure the size difference would have been more startling had Daniel been with me at the time, I was quite taken aback by how small and light Gabrielle was. It is nearly impossible for me to remember how small Daniel was as a newborn. Even when I look at photos, I can't wrap my mind around what it felt like to be a new Mommy with such a tiny and precious bundle of joy. Ali is experiencing all of the first-time parent anxieties that I had, but I certainly don't feel like an expert when giving her advice. In fact, just holding baby Gabrielle made me a little nervous. Did I remember how to support a newborn's head? How would I soothe her if she started crying? Then I snapped out of my stupor and told myself, "You raised a newborn just 2 years ago. You can certainly hold one for 15 minutes!"

Ali and I talked about feeling nervous while dressing and bathing a newborn. I remember feeling like I was going to break Daniel if I tried to get his arms and legs into an outfit. Now he's such a bruiser, he barely flinches when he runs into a door. This Mommy amnesia that I'm experiencing is common. Unless you have your children a year apart (and Lord knows, I know plenty of people who did), there is a certain amount of "re-learning" that must take place when you have a newborn and your first-born is a toddler. I fully anticipate being anxious as hell when I finally have another baby. Handling a toddler, both physically and psychologically, just doesn't help when it comes to a newborn. I expect to feel like I'm starting from scratch.

The good news is, you wake up one morning and your newborn has become a fully independent toddler! My month-early, 5 pound, 15 ounce, peanut started out his life like this:


Seemingly overnight, he has grown into this:


I'm not sure how it happened.

Toddler Fashion Statement

This is how Daniel woke up yesterday morning. Well, the smile came at my request, once I had a chance to sprint downstairs for my camera. Apparently, Daniel was experimenting with different shirt-wearing styles as he waited for me to enter his room and officially "wake" him. This is one trendy toddler, let me tell you. One-shoulder frocks are all the rage on the runways this fall, and somehow my little boy was able to channel his inner Armani. I laughed out loud when I first saw him, partly because of how he looked but also because he immediately exclaimed, "Mommy, shirt!"

This latest wardrobe "malfunction" was minor compared to the time I woke him post-nap only to find him completely naked from the waist down, sitting in a giant wet spot. His diaper lay crumpled in the corner of his crib, and Daniel just sat contentedly as if to say, "Yeah, I'm going commando, and it's not all that bad!"

Hey, he hasn't yet tried to climb out of his crib, and still takes ridiculously long naps on a daily basis. So I'm not complaining. I'll just have to remember to keep my camera nearby.

My Little Drummer Boy

We are now the proud owners of a drum kit. Well, really borrowers, thanks to Peter's cousin Aaron. I thought Daniel's eyes were going to pop out of his head when he first saw the drums in our living room. He has spent considerable time banging away over the past couple of days, and my hearing is pretty much still intact. For now.

Don't get me wrong -- Daniel doesn't just bang haphazardly like Animal from the Muppets. This kid has rhythm. If you play a CD of music, he'll drum along with the beat. He utilizes all of the drums and cymbals, and even stretches his little foot down to the floor pedals. He'll demand of you, "Sing!" and then play along, no matter whether you're singing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" or "Pour Some Sugar on Me."


Daniel's musical instrument collection is growing. He has a toy piano, saxophone, and guitar. I bought him a small floor harp for Hanukkah (since he's completely obsessed with the one his teacher plays in music class) Pretty soon we'll be able to tour as the Partridge Family.

Yup, I'm THAT Mom

When you become a parent for the first time, you establish a mental list of things that you will never, ever do or say to your child. Years of observation have made you confident that you will make the correct parenting choices when it is your turn to raise a little one. In my case, I had accumulated a "list" of what not to do not only from being around other parents at the mall/grocery store/amusement park, but from spending 7 years as an elementary school teacher. I vowed to be a better parent because of my teaching experience. As a teacher, I encountered examples of good and bad parenting on a daily basis. I promised myself that I would learn from others' mistakes and practice the most effective and constructive parenting techniques when it came to raising my child. Well, all of those good intentions flew out the window yesterday.

The plan was to stop by Whole Foods to pick up a couple of items on the way to Little Gym with Daniel. I was hoping to pop in and out in a matter of 20 minutes. But my darling 2-year-old had other plans. His new "thing" is to refuse to sit in the shopping cart. Instead, he wants to "Push! Push!" I let him do just that at Giant earlier in the week, and we spent 45 excruciating minutes weaving up and down aisles trying not to take out any elderly shoppers. I wasn't about to suffer the same fate twice in one week, so I had to come up with a Plan B. If Daniel didn't want to sit in the cart, how could I entice him to cooperate? And that's when it happened. I became THAT mom.

As I struggled to lift Daniel's wriggling body into the shopping cart, I said, "They have cake inside. Do you want some cake?" Those must have been the magic words, because my defiant toddler became putty in my hands. Cake samples. That's all it would take to coax him into cooperating with me. We were at Whole Foods, land of free samples, so I thought this would be an easy transaction. Unfortunately, it was 10:00 in the morning and the only samples available were apple slices. After going back 3 times for more apples, Daniel expected me to hold up my end of the bargain. "Cake," he demanded. Heading back to the prepared foods section, the bakery shelves caught my eye. I spotted the one thing that would allow me to finish my shopping without encountering a tantrum from Daniel. Cookies.

I picked out a chocolate chip cookie and handed it to Daniel. His eyes lit up and he began to munch on the sweet treat. In an instant, I had done one of the things that I vowed NEVER to do: to placate/shut my child up by giving him candy or sweets. In the moment, I panicked. It seemed like the best option. I'm sure parenting "experts" would disagree and be able to come up with much more creative options. Screw 'em. It worked like a charm. Of course, now that I've opened Pandora's Box, there's no going back.

My Little Character

On Friday night, we took Daniel to the Please Touch Museum for their Halloween party. He dressed as a Bob the Builder-type construction worker, tool belt and all. Aside from the helmet, he probably didn't even realize he was wearing a costume!

Daniel enjoyed seeing all of the costumed children (and adults), but he especially loved the music that blared from the speakers. I caught him grooving along to the music several times. He played in the exhibits and gathered treats from the tables scattered throughout the museum. The chocolate Peeps and gummy body parts weren't that interesting to him, but the mini Hess truck was a huge hit!

With the crowds and noise, I thought that Daniel would've grown cranky as the night went on. But he was cooperative and flexible -- especially waiting in line to get dinner, well past his normal mealtime. He just took it all in.


I can't wait to see his reaction on Halloween, when groups of costumed kids come to our door for candy. Peter and I will take Daniel Trick-or-Treating around the street until he gets tired. Last year, just 2 months after learning how to walk, he made it to 4 or 5 houses. This year, I have a feeling I'll be chasing him up and down driveways!

When I picked Daniel up from school today, he was in rare form. He gave Miss Margie a kiss goodbye and flashed a big toothy smile when I asked him how he smiled for Picture Day. Margie looked at me and said, "He's a real character." The funny thing is, she sees just the tip of the iceberg.

Guilt that Only a Mother Could Have

A little over 2 years ago, I gave up a successful teaching career to be a stay-at-home mom. Life at home with Daniel brought me more joy (and more challenge) than my job ever could. I always thought I'd have one or two more children, and spend the next 5 to 10 years nurturing my little ducks and sending them off to school. Daniel is now 2 years old, and I want so badly to give him a sibling that I feel guilty for not being able to do so quickly and easily. Every time I hear about another Mom being pregnant with her second child, I feel a pang of guilt. Why is it that some women can just wake up one morning and say, "I think it's time to give Timmy a little brother or sister" and then *POOF* they are pregnant? Why is it that my little guy, who would make an AMAZING big brother, has to be the only child in his preschool class who doesn't yet have a sibling? And, most significantly, why do I feel so damn guilty about it?

Last night, Peter and I attended Daniel's back-to-school night. While we watched a video of the kids at play, his teacher leaned over and whispered to me that Daniel loves to push around the baby stroller and "take care" of the baby dolls. My heart simultaneously soared and dropped. While most people aren't aware that we are actively trying for another baby, it seems like I can't get through a single day without feeling that longing...and that guilt. Daniel deserves to have a brother or sister to take under his wing. A constant playmate. A buddy for life. And I deserve the chance to give him that most precious of gifts.

Down on the Farm

Today I accompanied Daniel's preschool to Freddy Hill Farm. He and I went around the same time last year, but a lot has changed since then. Here is a photo taken on last year's trip:


Daniel was 16 months old, and had only been walking for a couple of months. I carried him through the cornstalk maze and stood with him while he watched the "big kids" go down the giant slide. He wasn't interested in the free ice cream cone after the hayride.

Now, here's a photo from today's trip:

Not only did Daniel pick out his own pumpkins, but he made me chase him all over the pumpkin patch as he feverishly searched for the tractor that had brought us there. With enthusiasm, he skipped through the pumpkins (yes, tripping a couple of times) shouting, "Pumpkins! Tractor!" When I asked him to help me find his friend Lexi, he took off across the field shouting "Lexi!" He eventually found her.

The hayride brought us over to the cornstalk maze and giant slide, but something else caught Daniel's eye. There were three old tractors parked nearby, with kids climbing all over them. When it was Daniel's turn, he made the most of it: pulling gears, turning the steering wheel, and making tractor sound effects. He also begged, "On! Go!" until I explained that the tractors didn't move. Still, he was in heaven.

He finally agreed to climb down from the tractor and head into the corn maze. I chased him the whole way through, and we didn't get nearly as lost as last year! He balked at the slide until he watched a couple of kids go down and decided that it was for him. He almost went down by himself ("Me," he insisted) but at the last minute turned around and asked for me to go with him. We were all smiles. His teachers sat at the bottom, taking pictures of all the kids sliding down.

Our last stop of the day was at the store for our free ice cream! Unlike last year, when Daniel couldn't have cared less about an ice cream cone, today he told me that he wanted "chocolate!" As he sat down next to Lexi to enjoy his treat, I marveled at how grown up he has become in just 12 short months. And then I began to wonder what next year's trip has in store!

Hitting His Groove

Daniel did not cry at drop-off this morning! Even though he was one of the first to arrive in his classroom, he was sufficiently distracted by the container of miniature pumpkins and gourds just inside the doorway. His teacher, Miss Sandy, made a big deal out of finding the toy fire engine in the play kitchen (another good distraction). Daniel went over to look. Instead of grabbing the fire engine, though, he picked up a little black purse and turned to walk away. I told him he could bring the purse over to the sink where we washed his hands. He was so eager to pick up the purse that he had no interest in drying his hands! He carried the purse over to one of the tables and began playing with a cash register toy. He seemed pretty engaged, so I took the opportunity to kiss him goodbye. He turned to me, but didn't cry! I hightailed it out of the room before he could change his mind!

When I arrived for pick-up, one of the other Moms told me that she had walked her daughter into the room right after I left and Daniel was fine. He even greeted her daughter with a "Hi, Lexi!" I'm so happy that Daniel is getting used to his new routine and that he is enjoying school. I love looking through all of the papers that he brings home, and hearing his vocabulary grow by leaps and bounds as he interacts more and more with his peers.

A Vacation from the Routine

Daniel returned home today after two days at his grandparents' house. We took Daniel over to Mimi and Pops' house on Sunday night. When it was time to leave, we showered him with kisses and "I love you's". He began to suspect that something was going on, so Uncle David and Aunt Chandra distracted him while Peter and I crept out the door. Apparently, he never noticed we were gone. For the next day and a half, we were childless. Monday was filled with doctors appointments and bed rest, so we hardly had time to miss Daniel. It didn't really strike me that he wasn't here until this morning, when my normal routine was thrown for a loop.

First of all, I slept until 7:30. That's my version of sleeping in! Instead of rushing to eat breakfast before Daniel awoke, I took my time. I was able to linger over a magazine as I ate my cereal, not needing to strain my ears to hear the tiniest peep from Daniel's room. I could make as much noise as I wanted to. Not like I was throwing dishes around, but I definitely didn't have to tiptoe. The rest of my morning was wide open. I found myself accomplishing tasks that normally get tossed to the side when Daniel is the focus of my day: I emptied the dishwasher, made the bed, organized part of Daniel's closet, and even hung a picture that had been lying on my dining room table for months. Who's worried about a little hammering when there's no 2-year-old around?

Despite all these "tasks" that I found myself doing, I realized just how limitless my free time actually was. I thought to myself, "How in the world did I fill my days before becoming a Mommy?" Full-time job aside, I'm sure I had loads of free time on my hands. And I'm sure I wasted much of it. When you first become a parent, you mourn the loss of this free time. But as you settle into parenthood and all of its ups and downs, you realize that your definition of free time changes radically. Today, as I paced around my house with nothing but free time, I ached for my little boy and longed to hear his infectious laugh. I couldn't wait to fill the rest of my day with being a Mommy. And once Daniel was home, playing with his trains and chasing Ollie around the kitchen, it was like he had never left. I felt much more at ease.

Adjustment Period

Daniel has almost completed his second full week of school. It was wonderful to get back into a regular routine...at least for 3 days a week! Our school mornings go something like this: I wake Daniel at 8:00 (he's usually talking and playing in his crib by then) and get him dressed. We go downstairs and he drinks milk from a sippy cup while sitting in his mini-armchair and watching either Sesame Street or Thomas & Friends. What a life! I make his breakfast and generally scurry about like a crazy person. He eats at 8:30 and plays until it's time to leave. We pull out of the driveway at 8:55 and get to school by 9:00. It couldn't be more convenient.

I think Daniel is still adjusting to the drop-off procedures, since they are so different from camp. He clings to me as I walk him into his classroom, and I try to distract him by pointing out his friends or a cool toy. I can't bring myself to leave without saying goodbye, but this is what usually sparks tears. When he realizes that I'm not staying, he whimpers, "Mommy!" and starts to cry. One of his teachers will undoubtedly embrace him as I walk out of the room, my heart aching. I wonder if a mother ever gets to the point where she's not distraught over the sound of her child in distress.

When I arrive at noon to pick him up, his class is lined up in the hallway. He sits with his backpack, blissfully unaware of my presence. This is my favorite moment of the day. I get a rare glimpse into his state of being, independent of me. When he spots me, his face lights up. I wave furiously and smile. Today, he shouted, "Mommy!" and ran towards me with his backpack flopping behind him. I scooped him up in my arms and gave him a big kiss. We said goodbye to Miss Margie, and Daniel blew her a kiss. He's such a sweet, loving child. I know that he'll be tear-free within a couple of weeks.

The New Swingset

We gave in and purchased a swingset for the backyard. While there are many playgrounds within a short distance from our house, there's nothing quite like being able to run out your own back door and play for as long as you like. And we got a really good end-of-season deal. I'm not kidding. If you're thinking about buying a swingset, September is the time to do it. They are practically giving these things away!

I knew Daniel would enjoy many hours of fun on the swingset, but I assumed it would take him some time to warm up to the various features (rock wall, monkey bars, etc.) Boy, was I wrong. The first thing he did when he saw the swingset was to expertly scale the rock wall. I have no idea where he learned to climb like that, but clearly he has no fear.

We hung out in the clubhouse for a little while, and Daniel tried out his "binoculars" and steering wheel (where he's supposed to be driving the swingset, I have no idea). I was as giddy as he was, because as a child I always wanted a cozy clubhouse or treehouse of my own. In fact, I think I might be just a tiny bit more excited about it right now than Daniel is. But isn't that why parents buy these things for their children?

I can't wait to spend more time with Daniel in our own backyard, swinging high enough for our feet to touch the sky, eating lunch at the built-in picnic table, and playing make-believe in the clubhouse until the sun goes down. Did I mention how excited I was?

First Day of Preschool!

Today was the big day. Daniel started preschool for the first time, and I cut the strings just a little bit more. The morning went well, with Daniel waking up in a sunny mood and eating almost all of his breakfast. When I tried to take "first day" photos of him, he wasn't exactly cooperative, but I managed to snap this gem you see to the left. This backpack is a lot smaller than his camp backpack was, but it's still bigger than him!

I walked him into his classroom, where he was greeted by his teachers (Miss Margie and Miss Sandy). I tried to show him where his "cubby" was located, but he literally dropped his backpack to the floor and immediately commenced playing. He didn't know what to look at first, strolling from one part of the room to another, stopping only to pick up a stuffed sun toy and proclaim, "Sunny!" Yes, my little boy is ready for school.

I hung around for a couple of minutes, trying to sneak more photos, but Daniel was moving too fast. He couldn't stop playing long enough to smile and say, "Cheese!" I knew it was time for me to leave. I said goodbye to Daniel, and he got very upset. He cried, "Mommy! Mommy!" and burst into tears. Miss Margie picked him up and hugged him, carrying him over to an activity on the other side of the room. I swallowed the lump in my throat, turned around, and walked out the door.

When I arrived at noon to pick him up, Daniel was all smiles. He was happy to see me, and the teacher said he had a great first day. I'm sure there will be more tears before he gets acclimated to the new routine, but I think we're off to a good start!

Reflecting on a New World...and a New Me

Yeah, yeah, I know I'm getting a little carried away with all of this "reflection" nonsense. My baby boy is starting preschool tomorrow. I'm entering a period of uncertainty -- which could end quite badly or turn out to be the best thing that's ever happened to me. My world is in flux, and this recent anniversary of the terrorist attacks on September 11th, 2001, have left me contemplating how much I've lived through since that fateful day 8 years ago. Everyone's world has changed since September 11th, 2001, but my world has been irrevocably turned upside-down...in many wonderful and terrible ways. Below, a chronology:

On December 31st, 2001, I suffered a stroke while on vacation with friends in Las Vegas. I spent a week in the Vegas ICU, flew home to Philadelphia via "air ambulance," and continued to recover at Jefferson Hospital and Magee Rehabilitation. I was diagnosed with antiphospholipid antibody syndrome, a blood clotting disorder. I have taken Coumadin ever since, and I probably will for the rest of my life.

In late November, 2002, I met Peter. After a few dates, I knew he was the man I was going to marry. Not only did we share similar upbringings and interests, but I felt for the first time in my life that I could totally be myself when I was with him. He became my best friend and my companion. We bought a house together in early February of 2004, got engaged on Valentines Day, and married on April 16th, 2005.

Peter and I moved into a single-family home in July 2006, and I became pregnant that October. Because of my medical history, I was considered a "high-risk" patient. Instead of Coumadin, I had to inject myself twice a day with Lovenox (a safer blood thinner). I was under the care of maternal fetal medicine at Jefferson Hospital, and my pregnancy went rather smoothly. Though I went into labor almost a month early, I delivered a healthy baby boy on June 13, 2007. Daniel Adam Somerman, the love of my life, was born into this world. What a lucky world!

I gave up my teaching career to be a stay-at-home mom with Daniel, and I have never looked back. I am so fortunate to have the ability to focus all of my time and energy on him -- something many mothers can only dream of. He is truly my pride and joy, and he has brought me more happiness than I ever thought possible.

This past year has once again been a tough one for me. I lost a pregnancy in May, when I was already quite far along. As heartbreaking as that experience has been, I feel so lucky to have Peter and Daniel to see me through the tough times (which still pop up every now and then). I am hoping to give Daniel a sibling in the near future, but instead of dwelling on what I've lost I'm trying to focus on how remarkable a life I've lived over the past 8 years. Most people don't experience in their lifetimes what I've been through between the ages of 24 and 32. This has undoubtedly made me a stronger person. I have had my share of blessings and heartache. But this is who I am at this moment in time. And while I can't say that I'm happy about some of the things that have happened to me, I don't necessarily wish I could go back in time and change history. I have always believed, and will continue to believe, that everything happens the way it is supposed to. I know, deep down, that I will look back on this time and say, "I'm glad it happened this way."

End-of-Summer Reflection

June 13th, 2009. Daniel turns 2 years old. We take him to Storybook Land for an afternoon of rides on toddler-friendly trains and antique go-carts. He throws a fit when we try to put him on the monster truck ride, and we give up after some fruitless coaxing.

September 6th, 2009. We return to Storybook Land with our 27-month-old. Not only does he eagerly climb into the monster truck, but he demands, "Again!" when the ride is over. He enjoys the ride a second time, furiously turning the steering wheel and adding his own sound effects.

This is just one small example of how much Daniel has grown and changed this summer. Gone is the toddler who sat calmly in his high chair during meals, who kept himself occupied while waiting for his food at a restaurant, and who spoke only a handful of words (most notably, "NO!"). He has metamorphosed into a spunky little man. He loves jazz (especially horns), eats on the run (literally), recites lines from books by heart, and speaks practically in complete sentences (just this morning, upon being woken up: "Mimi, go away!"). The change is frustrating at times, delightful at other times, but always phenomenally fascinating.

As Daniel's first day of preschool approaches, I reflect back on the defining moments he experienced this summer:
1. Going to camp for 8 weeks: He may have started the summer as a teary little boy screaming for his "Mommy!" but he finished his stint at camp as a sociable and resilient child who played well with others and blew kisses to his counselors every day at pick-up.
2. Our trip to Hershey: This was Daniel's most challenging, yet most satisfying, amusement park experience. He braved the crowds and the heat and kept his wits about him for two straight days. And he didn't even require a stroller! Mommy and Daddy could learn from his perseverance!
3. Returning to the Ocean City amusements during Labor Day weekend (our first visit had been Memorial Day): Yes, he devoured his pizza at Mack 'n Manco's. Yes, he accompanied us on the big ferris wheel without complaint. But when he rode the fire trucks by himself, excitedly ringing the bell, I was more proud of him than ever. He stepped out from under my wing, took a chance, and loved every minute of it. As parents, can we really hope for anything more from our children?

I expect these next couple of months to bring about even more growth and change in Daniel, as he starts school and begins to really experience the world separate from me (camp being kind of a trial run). I'll miss my dependant little boy, but I'm eager to witness the emergence of my independent young man.

A New Distraction

Mealtimes are when I'm at my most creative. These days, I'm constantly looking for new ways to coax Daniel into sitting down long enough to take a bite. Reading books to him while I stealthily sneak bites of food into his mouth (and sometimes even try to feed myself simultaneously) still works on occasion, but I'm often forced to change tactics at the drop of a hat. Today, he ate about 3/4ths of his lunch while I read/sang to him, but he could only be "held" down for so long. He hopped off his chair and started to play with his Cozy Coupe and tricycle. While he occupied himself contentedly, I finished eating my lunch. Once the table was cleared, my creative juices began to flow.

Daniel loves to play in the car. He enjoys pushing the buttons, climbing in and out of the back seat, and pretending to drive. We'll be driving down the street and he'll shriek from his car seat, "Seet! Seet!" Pointing furiously at the driver's seat, he'll continue to whine until I acknowledge his desire to commandeer my SUV. Most of the time, I try and reason with him. I explain that he will be able to drive when he turns 16 but that he must sit in the back for his own safety while Mommy drives. Does he understand this? Probably not. But I usually follow it up with the exclamation, "Look at that huge truck!" which successfully distracts him from his initial mission.

Today, the parked car became a great place for him to finish his lunch and to stay occupied while I cleaned up. Ollie joined him in the car, and they played for about a half-hour. It happened to be a beautiful day, so I opened the sunroof and the windows and let him do his thing. He turned on the radio, honked the horn a couple of times, and fiddled with the turn signals. Oh yeah, and he finished his lunch cooperatively. I almost forgot that was the whole point. I wonder how long it'll be before he catches on.

Those Were the Days

This past weekend, I found myself in an unfamiliar position. It was Friday afternoon, around 2:00. I had just dropped off Daniel (and Ollie) at my parents' house for a sleepover. My Mom put Daniel down for a nap and I left. The plan was for me to meet Peter in Bala Cynwyd at 7:00. I had 5 hours to myself, with no one to rush home to. I honestly can't remember the last time I could say that. What to do with my gift of (temporary) freedom? I had spent the previous 2 days contemplating how best to use my time. What did I want to do that I couldn't do with Daniel? After running through various options and weeding out those that were somewhat inconvenient. I came to a decision: I would go shopping for jeans at Bloomingdales!

I headed to Willow Grove Mall, like a kid in a candy store. Taking my good old time, I browsed through racks and racks of designer jeans and selected about 10 pairs to try. I even had the luxury of a dressing room all to myself (Daniel had not been content to watch me try on clothes since he was about 16 months old). This might sound crazy, but I even tried on several pairs of jeans more than once! Imagine that! It was a successful venture, as I left Bloomies with 2 new pairs of jeans but not an impatient toddler. And I still didn't have to rush home!

After trying on and purchasing some things at Banana Republic and J. Crew, I set off across the mall in search of some nourishment. In my moment of child-free ecstasy, I had skipped lunch. As I walked past Auntie Anne's and Sbarro's, I noticed that I was among the oldest of the afternoon mall-goers. There were plenty of teenagers and adolescents, and even some moms with kids in strollers. With a spring in my step, I reminded myself that I was 32 (not 16) and that this sense of freedom was fleeting. I procured a fruit smoothie and went on my way.

That night, Peter and I went into the city to have dinner at Parc. We hadn't had dinner downtown together since my birthday in March, and we were long overdue. It felt almost alien to be wandering around Rittenhouse Square on a balmy summer evening, especially with no babysitter waiting at home. After our meal, we literally didn't know what to do with ourselves. We people-watched up and down Walnut Street, reminiscing about our younger days of city living, while Daniel slept soundly at his grandparents' house. Heading home at the late hour of 11:00 (!!!), we felt refreshed -- as if we had rediscovered a small part of who we used to be before we were Mommy and Daddy.

It's so easy to take your free time for granted, even after you have children. I've even been known to complain about being bored while Daniel naps. But this shopping and dining experience was a rare opportunity to reconnect with myself and to enjoy the moment -- two things I rarely get to do anymore with an active and energetic toddler at home!

Camp Mommy, Day 3

I'm having a hard time remembering what life was like (ages ago, it seems) when Daniel used to be content just to sit in his stroller and accompany me on my errands. He had no opinion of his own, nor did he feel any sense of urgency to run off in the opposite direction from where I stood. My, how times have changed. These days, running errands with my active, impatient little guy is more a chore than a pleasant outing. Case in point: today's attempt to buy food for dinner.

We started out slowly this morning. Daniel watched "Dora the Explorer" while I made the bed and threw in a load of laundry. He ate breakfast, I made a few phone calls, then I chased him around the house so I could change his smelly diaper. Somehow, it got to be 10:30. We made it out of the house without any tantrums, which was a major triumph in my eyes. Our first stop was Babies 'r Us for swimming armbands and doorknob covers (my little angel is now regularly escaping from the house via the laundry room and garage door). The end-of-season swim selection was discouraging, so we had to check Toys 'r Us. No luck. By then, Daniel was growing tired of being shuttled in and out of the car. And I was tired of shuttling him.

We proceeded to Costco, in the hopes of finding some yummy items for dinner. We browsed around for a little while before heading over to the food section. That's when Daniel started standing up in the shopping cart. So there I am, trying to select a reasonable dinner amongst the throngs of eager Costco die-hards, with one hand gripping Daniel's arm so tight that my shoulder started to ache. It was too intimidating a task, so we fled. I felt like such a Costco failure. How many people actually run out of there with not a single item being purchased?

All I wanted to do was go home, but I still hadn't procured dinner. So we swung by Whole Foods and accomplished what was probably the fastest and cheapest visit I've ever had. Daniel was beginning to melt down, dumping his bag of Goldfish crackers onto the floor and continuing to stand in the shopping cart. Then he threw a fit when I tried to secure him in his car seat. We made it home in one piece, ate a rushed and chaotic lunch, and got ready for naptime. Ahhh, naptime. On days like this, it's heaven on earth.

My (Secret) End-of-Summer Blues

Daniel's last day of camp is this Friday. Yes, the dog days of summer are coming to an end. It's hard to believe that 8 weeks have passed, especially since Daniel started his summer as a teary little boy who missed his Mommy. He has blossomed into a fun, confident camper who waves goodbye to me at drop-off and blows kisses to his counselors at the end of the day. I am so thrilled that I decided to send him to camp for the entire summer. He was totally ready for it, and it was an amazing experience for him. My only regret is that it is now coming to an end...a full month before the school year is set to begin. Oy.

You see, I have a dirty little secret. I have enjoyed these 8 weeks of camp almost as much as Daniel has. Yes, I was sad to send my baby off to his very first away-from-home adventure. Yes, I miss the days of one-on-one bonding, when it was just me and Daniel forging our way together. No, I don't feel guilty for cherishing every minute of the three hours a day, three times a week, that Daniel spent at camp and I spent on my own. Morning yoga classes? Check. Trips to the grocery store without an impatient toddler? Check. Running errands ten times quicker than usual? Check. Doctors visits without having to arrange for a babysitter? Check. In a word, it has been heavenly. And now I have a month to be with Daniel 24-hours a day, 7 days a week. Yay for me!

Not only has it been an important developmental step for Daniel to learn how to function without me, it has been just as important for me to rediscover who I am without him. This is the only time in my life when I will only have one child and, as a result, a relatively flexible schedule. I have taken the time to do things for myself, which makes it easier to face the challenges of parenting a 2-year-old. Over the next couple of weeks, I foresee trips to the Please Touch Museum, the Camden Aquarium, and various parks and playgrounds. School starts after Labor Day, at which time I will resume my heavenly three-mornings-a-week break. I'm not sure if Daniel will cry on his last day of camp this Friday. But I probably will.

"Push! Push!"

Daniel loves to push buttons. No, not mine. Well, actually, he has mastered the art of pushing Mommy's buttons. But that's another blog post for another day. Today's post is about his obsession with literally pushing buttons. It doesn't matter what kind or where. He wants to "Push! Push!" What started as an infant's fascination with toys that lit up or made noise, has morphed into a toddler's desire to switch the lights on and off, to turn the bathtub faucet and watch the water run, to dispense water from the refrigerator door, and, most recently, to push the power button on the Keurig coffee maker. If only he could make the whole cup, add some cream and sugar, and serve it to me while I lounged in bed! Just kidding...sort of.

After countless mornings of watching Mommy and Daddy brew themselves a cup of coffee, Daniel grew more and more intrigued by the machine. Once I allowed him to try the buttons out for himself, I had naively sealed my fate. Now I can't brew a cup of coffee within earshot of him without hearing "Push! Push!" And, like the sucker that I am, I lift him up onto the kitchen counter and allow him to fiddle with the buttons for a couple of minutes. So far, he hasn't mistakenly brewed coffee into an invisible cup (I mean, all over the countertop). But I know it's coming.

I don't mind his routine of switching the lights on and off when we leave a room, nor does it bother me when he jacks up the volume dial on the entertainment system. Who doesn't want to hear Elmo's World at an earsplitting volume? His behavior is nothing OCD-like in nature, it simply illustrates his curiosity at the world around him. When Peter was a kid, he used to push the buttons on the vacuum cleaner and pretend it was a spaceship. I recall conjuring some elaborate fantasy world involving the electricity meters on the side of the house. Apparently it runs in the family.

Going Commando

We experienced another "first" with Daniel over the weekend. After lunch on Sunday, I changed his diaper and put him down for a nap. He was babbling a little bit, but I figured he would eventually fall asleep. So I left for the grocery store. According to Peter, Daniel did quiet down and fall asleep. But when I returned home an hour later, I could hear Daniel talking and squealing in his room. Needless to say, I was not happy. He was supposed to nap for at least another hour!

I decided to ignore him (since he didn't seem to be in any distress) and wait for him to quiet down. He did, and we saw him lay down on the video monitor. Not thinking anything of this "mid-nap" wake-up, Peter and I went about our business and let Daniel sleep. When I went into his room at 5:00 to wake him, I understood what all the excitement had been about.

Daniel was lying in his crib, bare-bottomed! He had clearly been sleeping, as he was just opening his eyes. His shirt was still on, but his diaper was tossed to the corner of the crib. I cringed, thinking I would find him in a pile of poop, but luckily he was just a little wet. The puddle underneath him, though, indicated that he had removed his diaper prior to falling asleep! I have no idea how or why he managed to do this. The diaper had been secure when I put him down at 2:00. Maybe he was bored and decided to experiment. In any case, I found the situation to be humorous but also a little sad. I felt bad that I had ignored his calls and he had peed on himself. I also felt bad that his little tushy was cold while he slept!

Needless to say, I put his shorts on over his diaper before putting him down for today's nap!

The Magic of Sesame Street

On his first birthday, Daniel had no idea who Elmo was. He hadn't yet watched a single episode of Sesame Street, and he thankfully didn't have one of those Tickle Me Elmo dolls (though he did get freaked out by one at a playmate's house -- I mean, the thing looks like it's having a seizure). After his first birthday, however, Daniel's interest in cartoon characters grew. He took a liking to Diego (mostly because the show aired right around the time he was finishing his morning bottle). Then he caught on to the Thomas craze. He also began to enjoy The Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Thank goodness for Comcast On Demand, because we could summon any one of these shows at a moment's notice. Not that we did very often. In the beginning, Daniel watched no more than 20 minutes a day (which is all that his short attention span would allow). Even now, at 2 years old, he never watches more than 45 minutes at a time. I'm not saying that makes me a superior parent, it just illustrates the reality of trying to keep a toddler engaged.

Enter Sesame Street. I don't really recall how it all started. It's a chicken-and-egg puzzlement: Did Daniel's love of Elmo lead to his interest in Sesame Street, or did he first watch Sesame Street and automatically gravitate towards the pink furball with the baby voice? Who knows? All that matters is that Daniel has become a full-fledged Sesame Street junkie. And his Mommy, who's a recovering Children's television Workshop junkie herself, couldn't be happier!

One of the amazing things about Sesame Street is how it encourages viewers to participate. Once Daniel had been watching the show for several weeks and had grown familiar with the format, he began to interact with the TV. I've heard him counting, labeling characters or objects on the screen, and dancing to the music. His vocabulary has exploded in the past month -- due in no small part to his obsession with Sesame Street. His favorite segment of each show is Elmo's World, of course. He loves when Elmo talks to his pet fish, Dorothy, and when he asks a baby a question (and inevitably gets whacked in the head by the baby). He also loves Mr. Noodle's antics, and the ubiquitous closing song which draws its lyrics from that day's topic and it's melody from Jingle Bells ("Nose nose nose, nose nose nose, nose nose nose nose nose...").

But even with his deep devotion to Elmo, Daniel still enjoys the other characters. He can now identify Cookie, Abby, Bert, Ernie, and Zoe. We're working on Big Bird and Telly. I'm not sure if he'll ever get Snuffleupagus, but he seems intrigued by Slimy. He also thoroughly enjoys the animated segments which feature the number or letter of the day. I don't mind him sitting in front of the TV to watch Sesame Street because I know he is absorbing so much information, just as I did so many years ago. The lessons taught by Sesame Street will help him in his academic endeavors as well as his social relationships. How can that be a bad thing?

Hersheypark Happy!

This past weekend, we took Daniel to Hersheypark. This was a nostalgic trip for me, as I grew up making annual visits to Hershey with my family. I have very fond memories of spending many a hot August weekend riding the log flume, touring Chocolate World, and eating breakfast at the Hershey Lodge. So you can imagine my excitement at the prospect of visiting Hershey with my own child. We had originally planned to stay two nights, but changed our minds and changed the reservation to just one night. I was nervous about Daniel sleeping in the same room as Peter and me, and I wanted to minimize the amount of disruption to everyone's sleep schedules!

We drove to Hershey on Saturday morning, checked into the Lodge, and headed for the park. Daniel was immediately impressed by the "bus" -- the hotel shuttle which transported us to the park entrance. We knew not to expect too much from that day because we were getting a late start and Daniel was already a little sleepy. Oh yeah, and the park was extremely crowded...and it was really hot. So taking those parameters into consideration, we slathered on the sunblock and headed for the kiddie rides. The lines were long, so we only took Daniel on a couple of them -- most notably, the "Tiny Tracks" train ride, which he enjoyed. After a quick lunch and a couple more rides, we decided to call it a day -- but not before stopping at Chocolate World on our way out. One of my all-time favorites, the factory "tour," was a must-see. We climbed the ramp, refreshed by the air conditioning. We descended the stairs onto the moving platform and took our seats in one of the cars. Some of the ride had been updated, but much of it remains the same as it was all those years of my childhood: the liquid chocolate, Hershey kisses dropping onto the moving belt, going through the "roaster" and feeling the warm air engulf you. Pure nostalgia.

When we returned to the Lodge, we attempted to put Daniel down for a nap. It was already 4:00 at this point, and our hopes were fading fast. He cried for a little while from his crib, but Peter and I just planted ourselves in the hallway outside our room. Peter watched a DVD on our portable player and I read a couple of magazines. We lasted about an hour or so, until our butts were numb and we grew tired of people walking by and giving us strange looks. What the heck do other people do with their babies and toddlers at naptime? Were we supposed to sit in the room while he slept and stare at the wall?

Day 2 dawned bright and early. I received a 7:30 wake-up call, which inevitably woke Daniel as well. We were downstairs at breakfast by 8:30. One of the Lodge's restaurants, The Bears' Den, featured a Sunday morning cartoon breakfast buffet. Dozens of TV's, which normally featured sporting events, were tuned to kids' cartoons. There were even screens in each booth. Daniel was transfixed. He didn't know which TV to look at first! On our way back to the room, we stopped for pictures with a life-sized Kit-Kat bar. He was a chocolate bar of few words, but very friendly. I'm not sure if Daniel was intrigued or terrified.

We arrived at the park a little after 10:00, which is when it opened. There was a light drizzle falling from the sky, but not enough to keep us away! We got a little wet walking to the entrance from our car, but within a half-hour the sky cleared up. Either because it was so early or because of the questionable weather, the park was practically empty! We walked right on the Kissing Tower and the Antique Cars. I remember waiting in line for ages at these attractions! We also rode the Monorail, the steam train, the ferris wheel, the Ladybugs (which made me dizzier than any roller coaster ever has) and the kiddie log flume (not nearly as thrilling as the real one, but pretty decent from a toddler's perspective). We capped off our day with a walk through the park's new water section. There were some cool attractions, but not much for the little ones. Daniel and I took a break while Peter went on a wooden coaster (which he didn't entirely regret afterwards), and then we headed towards the front of the park. We stopped for a quick lunch and then hopped the tram for a ride back to our car.

If Daniel could tell you which ride was his favorite, I suspect he'd say the parking lot tram. Especially because he got to eat a Twizzler during the ride! Overall, it was a fun weekend. Exhausting, but fun. It was a treat to show Daniel something new and exciting, and it was a nice break from our regular routine. If you were to ask me my favorite part of the trip, I'd have to say it was Saturday night after dinner. We retired to our hotel room, turned on "Horton Hears a Who," and cuddled on the bed. Quality family time if ever there was any.

Books Galore!

Of all the objects with which Daniel is fascinated, books make me the most proud. As a former elementary school teacher I've amassed a huge collection of children's books, most of which are still too delicate for Daniel's toddler impulses. I eagerly anticipate the day when I can begin to introduce to him some of my own childhood favorites. He already loves "Caps for Sale" (he asks for it as "Paps") and "There's A Monster at the End of This Book" (always a favorite of mine because of Grover's unwarranted hysterics). But he continues to discover new books on a daily basis, and these books are beginning to pop up at different, albeit unexpected, times of the day.

Daniel wakes up to books each morning. When I check on him before my bedtime, I manage to sneak a couple of books into the corner of his crib. Most mornings, I find him perusing the books while waiting for me to come into his room. If I somehow forget to place the books in their designated spot overnight, Daniel will undoubtedly remind me as soon as I come to wake him. "Boops," he demands, pointing to the canvas box on the floor. He's even become more and more picky with my selections. It used to be that he would accept whichever books I handed to him. Now, he doesn't hesitate to voice his opinion with a resounding, "No! No!" Sometimes we browse through the whole box before settling on an acceptable title.

Another part of Daniel's day which books have infiltrated is mealtime. I've been struggling with convincing Daniel to sit in his high chair during meals, but when I let him sit in an adult chair he climbs all over the place. I recently started reading to him in order to get him to sit still and eat. He delights in hearing me read these familiar books to him, and begs for more when I finish. If I happen to be eating at the same time as him, I simply take "bite breaks," usually before I turn a page. Not only do I get to eat my lunch instead of feeding Daniel his (what a concept!) but I'm teaching him patience and turn-taking. It's a win-win! Today's lunch started out with Daniel refusing to sit in his high chair. He whined and climbed into the big chair. So I cut up his food into small pieces, placed a pile of books on the table in front of me, and read about 8 of them as Daniel gobbled up his entire lunch! Turning the page of a beloved book can be great motivation for taking a bite!

Peter and I have always taken the time to read to Daniel, and I hope that he continues to seek out books on his own. As a child, I used to bring books to restaurants and devour the words as I waited for my meal to arrive. I wish the same for him. My proudest moment one day would be for Daniel to shun the iPod or Gameboy in favor of a good book.

It's Always Something

As any parent of a young child will tell you, the worrying never stops. It's just the nature of the worrying that shifts over time. Thankfully, Daniel has been extraordinarily healthy thus far. A runny nose here and there, a couple of bouts with diarrhea, maybe one fever that I can remember. What drives me crazy, however, is how one ailment seamlessly follows another. He's barely over one cold when another rears its ugly, snotty head. A week of diarrhea is followed by a week of constipation. And on and on it goes.

This morning I noticed a rash on Daniel's chest and torso. It looked similar to the outbreaks of eczema and/or heat rash that he's experienced in the past, so I wasn't too worried (everything is relative when you have a 2-year-old). I have prescription cream to put on his eczema, so I vowed to apply it tonight after his bath. When he got home from camp, though, the rash had grown. It was still confined to his chest and torso, and the bumps looked pretty much the same -- there were just more of them. Here's where I start to second-guess myself. Should I have kept him home from camp and called the doctor? Did he eat anything new yesterday that could signal a food allergy? He didn't seem to be uncomfortable, and he didn't have a fever. Just lots of little red bumps all over his torso.

I put a call into the pediatrician, and I am currently awaiting a response. Hopefully it's nothing. But I can't help but think, "What now?" as the never-ending adventure of parenting a toddler rolls on.

A Thin Line Between Eating and Freaking Out!

Mealtimes have become increasingly tense in our house. My once-content little boy has transformed into a bossy, opinionated toddler who never seems to be satisfied with where he's sitting or what he's eating. The most frustrating part of this change in behavior is its inconsistency. One day, Daniel may be happy to sit quietly in his high chair and devour the pizza and strawberries on his plate. Two days later, you'd think he was strapped into a torture device with a plate of creepy-crawlies in front of him. Sometimes I feel like I'm living with a schizophrenic.

Breakfast is the easiest meal of the day (for me). I usually have no problem slipping Daniel into his high chair, and he rarely complains. He's so hungry in the morning that he eats pretty much whatever I put in front of him (lately, his favorite is "cake and nana" -- some form of Eggo pancake or waffle and sliced banana). By lunchtime, his impatient side has taken over. Even if I do manage to get him into the high chair, he needs some distraction to get him to eat. It's a double-edged sword. If I don't give him something to play with, he'll whine and toss his food around without eating anything. If I do give him a truck to drive around the high chair tray, he has so much fun that he forgets about the food in front of him. I have to sneak bites of food into his mouth (and hope that my finger doesn't become part of his meal). This typically works out pretty well, but I often wonder if I'll still be hand-feeding him when he goes off to college.

Then there's dinner. What used to be a calm, quiet family meal has turned into a battle of wills. I no longer wait until Peter gets home to feed Daniel. Instead, I serve Daniel's dinner at 5:30 and let him play while Peter and I eat about an hour later. Anytime we're all seated at the table together, Daniel completely ignores his food and reaches for whatever Peter and I are eating. Then he'll lean over in his high chair and yell, "Seat! Seat!" He won't stop (or eat) until he's out of the high chair and sitting in a regular kitchen chair (no booster seat tolerated, I might add). Why don't I just get rid of the high chair and make my life a lot easier? Well, he spends most of his time in the big chair standing up and trying to climb onto the table. Either Peter or I inevitably have to spend most of the meal correcting Daniel's behavior and trying to encourage him to eat something. It's truly exhausting, and unfair to both of us.

Going out to restaurants? Forget it, for now. I have no interest in struggling through a meal with a difficult toddler in public, thank you very much. I'm optimistic that this phase will eventually pass. I know that Daniel will eat if he's hungry. No child ever willingly went on a hunger strike. In the meantime, however, we'll continue to strategize about how best to manage mealtimes. And we'll keep the local take-out places in business!

Yo Ho, Yo Ho, A Pirate's Life for Me!

Today I conducted a little experiment. Instead of picking Daniel up from camp at noon and taking him home to feed him lunch, I paid an extra $10 to allow him to participate in a special pirate-themed lunch. He stayed until 1:00, and ate lunch with the other kids in his bunk. I was dying to know how he'd fare without me. Would he eat anything? Would he sit in a chair properly and behave during lunch? (Unlike he's been doing at home recently -- throwing food on the floor and trying to climb out of his high chair!) Would I be able to squeeze in all of my errands with this blessed extra hour to myself? In a word, YES!

According to Daniel's counselor, Miss Cathy, he had a fabulous day. She carried him over to the car in the pick-up line and told me that he ate his chicken nuggets and even shared some of her fruit! My little moocher! Apparently, she had pineapple and cantaloupe and Daniel just couldn't resist. I was so happy to hear that he actually ate lunch, I didn't really ask about the rest of the morning. She did say that he seems to be doing better and better each day, which made my heart swell with pride. Cathy's son, Zach, buckled Daniel into his car seat and I asked him to say goodbye. He blew a kiss to Cathy and waved goodbye to Zach. It was really quite adorable, especially since I only see tears in the mornings during drop-off.

I'm so thrilled to know that Daniel is adjusting well to camp and, more specifically, to being apart from me during the day. As much as I miss our one-on-one time together, I know that he is taking part in a nurturing and developmentally-appropriate activity. He greets me after camp with a huge smile, and I know that this experience is truly enriching his life.

Daniel's Loveys

My little boy has quite the elaborate nap and bedtime routine. This routine has evolved and changed over the past two years, but what has remained constant is the presence of one or more (or many, many) loveys. Call them dolls, security blankets, or binkies -- these objects are among the most valuable ones in my home. Without them, my darling Daniel might not be such a phenomenal sleeper. These loveys are my go-to arsenal when he is cranky or difficult -- my port in the storm, so to speak. If I were to ever misplace or lose one...well, I'd rather not think about it.

Currently, at 2 years old, Daniel's crib is filled with every kind of lovey imaginable: stuffed animals, blankets, pillows. No longer a choking or suffocation hazard (thank goodness!), I can pile them on top of Daniel and rest assured that he will drift off to dreamland with a smile on his face. His small Elmo doll is a particular treasure. Both Daniel and I bestow countless kisses upon Elmo's head each night before bed. If Daniel is reluctant to go down for a nap, I can still pull the old "Elmo misses you" out of my hat. The day that stops working, I will be in mourning.

Another favorite is his Taggies blanket. In fact, we just added a new blanket and pillow to the crib. Daniel's sleep space is now stuffed with soft, fleece covers and cushions which are adorned with many colorful, silky tags. He loves to stroke them, and I think he's comforted just by the fact that the tags are there with him. God bless the Taggies company!

As Daniel gets older, his preference of loveys will change and, most likely, go away. Dolls and blankets will be replaced by cool sheets and books by flashlight, late at night. Whatever comforts him enough to make him feel secure in drifting off to sleep, I'll forever endorse. I only wish dolls and blankets still worked for me.

Mommy, Meet the Opposition

I'm always skeptical when people talk about the "terrible twos." Quite frankly, children develop differently and I find it hard to believe that every child must experience a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde transformation on the eve of his 2nd birthday. That is, until my perfect little angel woke up one morning with devil horns.

I'm not saying that Daniel is naughty, but he has recently developed an increasingly oppositional personality that seems to coincide perfectly with the beginning of his third year of life. Not only is his vocabulary growing at an amazing rate, but his temper is as well. When he doesn't get his way, he will no longer "let it slide." Oh no. He will whine, cry, throw things, even hurl himself onto the floor just to communicate to me that he is, in fact, pissed off. Simple daily rituals have become battles: changing his diaper involves getting repeatedly kicked in the chest and face, putting him in his high chair for a meal can take years off your life, and putting him in his crib for a nap or bedtime is a crapshoot. Sometimes he lays down peacefully and babbles himself to sleep, while other times he cries his eyes out and throws his beloved blanket over the side of the crib in the hopes that Mommy or Daddy will come to his rescue. If I happen to intervene on his behalf, he will continue the behavior. It's a never-ending circle of frustration, and it makes me want to bang my head against a wall.

Part of the reason why this defiant behavior is so stressful for us is because we are experiencing it for the first time. Daniel has always been an easy kid, and we have not often found ourselves in these challenging situations. Ultimately, the way we learn to deal with Daniel's oppositional behavior will make us better parents and help us immensely when the next child comes along. I suppose we are lucky to have made it this far without having to deal with sleeping or eating issues. And I know that this is just a phase. There is light at the end of the tunnel. But sometimes it seems like the tunnel is terribly, terribly long.

On a Roll

Daniel had another great day at camp today. After a rough drop-off this morning, I was nervous. He started to cry as soon as we pulled into the parking lot. I tried to remain upbeat, telling him what fun activities he'd do at camp today. In my mind, I kept thinking that he may very well be crying just to get attention from me. Ever since he turned 2 just a few weeks ago, Daniel has been thinking up more and more creative ways to try my patience or push my buttons. Since this behavior is developmentally appropriate, I'm not too concerned (just a little frustrated). His dramatic performance at camp drop-off is partially his way of testing my perseverance. Will I cave in and take him home? Or will I stand my ground and continue taking him back to camp every week? As hard as it seems sometimes, my heels are firmly planted.

When I picked him up at noon, he was all smiles. The counselor told me that he had an "unbelievable" day, with no crying and lots of playing. What fantastic news! Now I feel confident that the morning hysterics are only temporary, and that Daniel truly is having fun at camp!

Oh Joyous Day!

No words could possibly be sweeter to a Mommy's ears than this: "He didn't cry at all. He had a wonderful day!"

Such was the report I got from Miss Cathy at camp pick-up this afternoon. Not only was I overcome with relief and happiness, but I was quite surprised that Daniel had achieved this milestone just three days into his brand-new experience. This morning at drop-off, you'd never have guessed that the same child would have a fantastic day. Daniel was pulled from my car, crying and screaming. I could hear him shrieking, "Mommy!" as I drove away. Awful, right? I felt sick to my stomach, and just prayed that his sadness would pass and he would have an okay day. I called the camp office at 10:00 to check on him, and I got a good report. They told me that his bunk was on the playground and that all of the kids were happy. At least I knew he hadn't cried for an hour!

As with the first two days, pick-up was a more positive experience. Daniel was walked out to my car as he smiled and waved at me. Miss Cathy told me that he was like an entirely different child today -- laughing, being silly, playing peek-a-boo, and even showing his sense of humor. She was happy that she was finally getting to know the "real" Daniel, and I was jealous that I had to start sharing such an amazing gift.

The Adjustment Period Continues

Well, as expected, Daniel burst into tears at this morning's camp drop-off. He knew where we were as soon as I pulled up to the car line. He gave me this look as if to say, "You're not seriously thinking about leaving me here again, are you?" I tried to be as enthusiastic and upbeat as possible, but his little face crumpled as soon as he was taken out of the car. The worst part was watching him cry as he was carried into the building, reaching for me the whole time. It really broke my heart to see him so sad, and to think about how he would do for the rest of the morning. I know that he will eventually get used to this new routine and hopefully even look forward to going to camp, but I can't help but worry that he's just not ready for this separation. I hope that I am proven wrong over the next couple of weeks!

At pick-up, Daniel was calm and excited to see me. He waved as he walked towards the car, and seemed happy to see Ollie again. I gave him his Diego cup with water and a bag of pretzels once he was in his car seat, and that made him happy. I even played a Mickey Mouse Clubhouse song on my iPod during the 2-minute drive home! Anything to keep him content and positive!

Daniel's counselor, Cathy, called me later this afternoon to give me the daily report. She said that Daniel was sad today, but not as sad as he had been on Monday. He participated in the group project and even went swimming (though she mentioned that he didn't like his water shoes -- I can totally imagine how he must have given the counselors a hard time when they were trying to put them on his feet!). She listed as many positive things as she could think of (having been a teacher, I appreciated her method), including the fact that Daniel was able to recover quickly from his crying jags and that he allowed pretty much anyone to hold him and comfort him. While I'm thankful to anyone who provided that comfort, how I wish that it could have been me!

A Day of Firsts

Not only was today Daniel's first day of camp, but it was his first experience away from me in an unfamiliar place. When I dropped him off at 9:00, he was stoic. A teenage boy carried him into the building, leaving me weeping in my car. As I called out to Daniel, "Have fun! I love you!" he looked at me over the boy's shoulder, eyes dry as a bone. As I found out later, he cried several times throughout the morning. His counselor explained to me, "Daniel was a little sad today." Apparently, however, all the little ones stopped crying by 9:30 and Daniel in particular rebounded quickly and was easily distracted by other activities. She also told me that he did very well for the first day. Considering that today was his first "school-like" experience without his Mommy EVER, it seems like he did pretty great!

When I picked him up at noon, I let Ollie stick his head out the driver's side window to greet him. Daniel really enjoyed that. He reached out to pet Ollie and even exclaimed, "Puppy!" When I put Daniel in his car seat, Ollie climbed into the back of the car and sat himself down next to Daniel. I think this gesture really cheered him up. I wish I could take credit for orchestrating it, but it was all Ollie! I gave Daniel a juice box when we got home, which he loved, and made him a nice big lunch. He ate beautifully, played for about 10 minutes, and went down for his nap without any fuss.

Taking into account how radically different today's routine was from any other day we've shared thus far, I'd say it was a successful day. Now I just have to get past my worries about Wednesday.

Big Birthday Plans!

Daniel turns 2 years old this coming Saturday, June 13th, and we have a fun-filled weekend planned in his honor. First of all, let me just say that I can't believe my baby boy is turning 2. I don't know where the time has gone, but it seems like he was just an infant. I'm amazed by how quickly he's transformed into a happy, charming, brilliant, funny, beautiful little man! I get such pleasure from spending my days with him.

We are spending Daniel's birthday weekend down the Shore. On Saturday, his actual birthday, we hope to take him to Storybook Land -- an amusement park designed specifically for little kids. This will be his first visit, and it seems like an appropriately "special" activity for his big day. If the weather doesn't cooperate, we'll check out the South Jersey Children's Museum -- sort of a mini Please Touch, inside the Shore Mall. Thank you to Jen Thomas for telling me about it! No matter where we end up, Daniel's birthday will be wonderful because he will be with his family and will be surrounded by lots of love!

The party is on Sunday at my in-laws' Shore house in Longport. We called it for 11:30, thinking it would be a nice and relaxed lunch. Sack 'o Subs will provide the food, Weinrich's Bakery will provide the Thomas-themed cake, and Daniel himself will surely provide the entertainment! We're expecting about 25 people (almost all family) so it is sure to be a casual, intimate gathering. I truly believe that Daniel would be happy with any way we decided to celebrate his birthday. He's an easy customer!