A little over 2 years ago, I gave up a successful teaching career to be a stay-at-home mom. Life at home with Daniel brought me more joy (and more challenge) than my job ever could. I always thought I'd have one or two more children, and spend the next 5 to 10 years nurturing my little ducks and sending them off to school. Daniel is now 2 years old, and I want so badly to give him a sibling that I feel guilty for not being able to do so quickly and easily. Every time I hear about another Mom being pregnant with her second child, I feel a pang of guilt. Why is it that some women can just wake up one morning and say, "I think it's time to give Timmy a little brother or sister" and then *POOF* they are pregnant? Why is it that my little guy, who would make an AMAZING big brother, has to be the only child in his preschool class who doesn't yet have a sibling? And, most significantly, why do I feel so damn guilty about it?
Last night, Peter and I attended Daniel's back-to-school night. While we watched a video of the kids at play, his teacher leaned over and whispered to me that Daniel loves to push around the baby stroller and "take care" of the baby dolls. My heart simultaneously soared and dropped. While most people aren't aware that we are actively trying for another baby, it seems like I can't get through a single day without feeling that longing...and that guilt. Daniel deserves to have a brother or sister to take under his wing. A constant playmate. A buddy for life. And I deserve the chance to give him that most precious of gifts.
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