Saturday, November 29, 2008

A New Phase, or a Temporary Funk?

It has been a trying weekend. My pleasant, cooperative angel has been displaying new dimensions to his personality (I figure that if I put a positive spin on it, I won't sound so whiny and desperate). Daniel is suffering from a bad cold, and maybe even teething a bit. I'm guessing, of course, in my attempt to justify this drastic change in behavior. Mealtimes have become tense, to say the least. Daniel is eating less than usual, even when I make his favorite foods (Ellio's pizza, why do you fail me now?). When he does put something in his mouth, he finds it extremely amusing to spit it back out. Most of the time, however, he just smashes things between his fingers or feeds them to Ollie. Tonight, he seemed satisfied by a meal of pancakes, strawberries, and yogurt -- that is, until about halfway through when he decided he was finished and began to scream bloody murder. Why the freaking out? I have no idea!

Another ritual which has gone downhill seemingly overnight is bedtime. Daniel still enjoys his bottle and appears to be content with the idea of being carried to his crib. As soon as I try to lay him down with his blanket and walk away, he loses his you-know-what. He stands up and gropes at my arms, beginning to whimper and whine. If I turn and walk out of the room, he begins to cry and scream. Again, with the screaming. What gives? I mean, it sounds like the poor child is being tortured. Luckily, it lasts only a couple of minutes and he soon falls asleep (with a wet, snotty face, no less), but it's still very upsetting to hear. He has exhibited this behavior for two consecutive nights now, but I'm still hopeful that my happy, agreeable little guy will make a reappearance sooner than later.

Peter and I are leaving on an adults-only vacation in a couple of days. Daniel will be staying with both sets of grandparents. There are two possible outcomes: he'll either make liars out of us and act like a perfect angel, or he'll wear out his welcome and make his grandparents very happy to have finished raising their children! I'm hoping for the former rather than the latter.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Thanksgiving...The Mommy Edition

In honor of the holiday, I've been reflecting on the people and things in my life for which I am thankful. While this year's list includes Simon Baker in "The Mentalist," a nice glass of Riesling, and Facebook status updates, I'll reserve this space for Mommy-related things (although I'd be happy to share my more frivolous treasures with you at a different time). Of course, all I really have to say is that I am thankful for Daniel. He is, after all, the reason I get out of bed in the morning. He is my sunshine and my source of comfort always. But enough with the mushy stuff.

I am thankful for cups and spoons. They keep Daniel occupied and sufficiently distracted when I am trying to feed him breakfast in a hurry. Pretty soon, he'll use them to actually eat, which will make my job a whole lot easier! I'm also thankful for pretzels and Goldfish. These portable, semi-nutritious snacks allow me to stretch my errands just a bit longer by curbing Daniel's hunger and giving him something to do while I run around the grocery store like a crazy woman. And what would I do without my Boppy cuddle pillow? Since Daniel was a newborn and still breastfeeding, I've used this pillow to support him so that I could relax comfortably during feeding time. Since he still drinks a morning and nighttime bottle, I use the pillow to cushion him on my lap while he drinks. It's an intimate, cherished ritual for us that I'm not soon willing to give up.

On the activity front, I'm thankful for music and gym classes, Mommy & Me, and the MOMS Club playgroup. They not only fill my schedule, but they fill my need for adult conversation and mother-to-mother support. When Daniel was born, I knew only a couple of people with babies. Now I can say that I have a new group of Mommy friends, and I owe it to these activities. My decision to resign from my job was a scary one, but having a destination each day makes it easier to reconcile. While I'm thankful to be busy, I'm also thankful for naptime! I'm very lucky to have a good sleeper. Daniel naps every day from about 2:00 to 5:00. I crave this time to myself. This is my treadmill time, my laundry time, my catch-up-on-TiVo-programming time, or just my snuggle with Ollie time. Part of the reason I'm so willing to wait to have another baby is that I'm not ready to give up this "free" time.

Finally, I'm thankful for everything and everyone who loves my little Daniel and makes him smile. Whether it's building forts with his Daddy or watching "Mickey Mouse Clubhouse" while sitting in my lap, Daniel is perpetually happy and cheerful. I could never do it alone.

Monday, November 24, 2008

The Restaurant Blues

We began taking Daniel out to restaurants when he was about 2 weeks old. Sure, it was June. The balmy nights made it easy for us to justify our need to get out of the house. Pumpernicks was a favorite dining-with-Daniel destination in those early days. Daniel slept through most of these dinners, snug in his infant seat. Peter and I used to look at each other across the table and say, "Boy, this sure is easy!" In fact, we've been lucky enough to enjoy relatively incident-free dinners out with Daniel ever since then. Now that he's a toddler, however, the confines of a high chair are not at the top of his "places to spend time with Mom and Dad" list.

It has become increasingly more difficult to take Daniel out to restaurants for dinner. Not only does he want to escape from his high chair, but he wants to touch everything on the table -- silverware, condiment bottles, salt shakers, menus, sugar packets, etc. You get the idea. If you take something away from him (say, after he's chewed through a creamer cup, thereby causing creamer to spill down the front of his shirt) he freaks out. The rest of the meal becomes a guessing game for me and Peter. Daniel reaches out his arm and whines, and we frantically try to anticipate what will satisfy him. "Do you want the straw? How about the napkin?" We are rarely correct. Most of the time, I'm convinced not even Daniel knows what he wants.

We become so consumed with keeping him happy and calm, one of us inevitably neglects the meal and ends up eating next to nothing. The dinner ends with us looking wearily at one another as if to say, "Why do we keep doing this to ourselves?" It's not fun. You'd think we'd have learned our lesson more quickly. But we always gave Daniel the benefit of the doubt because he is so well-behaved. Despite the annoyance of enduring a meal with his whining and fidgeting, he is still one of the most pleasant and cooperative babies I've encountered. We're lucky. At least we got to go out with him at all. I suppose there are some people who are just homebound with their young children because they can't imagine sitting through a meal with them in a public place.

Interestingly enough, dinner seems to be the only meal that presents a real problem. We've continued to take him out for breakfast and lunch, and the disruptions are much less frequent. But for now, Peter and I have chosen to go out to dinner only when a babysitter is available. We're more relaxed, we can enjoy our food, and Daniel can run around and shout to his heart's content.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Training Him Early

I noticed quite a phenomenon in music class today. Daniel wanted to do nothing but help clean up! As I observed his actions, he moved quietly around the room. The teachers would bring out various instruments and props. Daniel would handle these objects for the duration of the song, but he wouldn't really come to life until it was time to put something away. Then he sprang into action. Egg shakers. Kitchen utensils. Tambourines and maracas. Everything went back into its designated container. If there were too many children crowding around the teacher, Daniel would sneak away and come back holding the lid to the container! At one point, he dragged a large lid over to one of the teachers and started doing his impatient grunt. As the other children handed her objects to put away, she had to remind Daniel that it wasn't yet time to close the container. He waited, dutifully and patiently, until his time had arrived. He even helped her push the container into the shelving cabinet!

At the end of class, as the children played along to a song with their various instruments, Daniel joined in with a tin can "shaker." About halfway through the song, he spotted the empty container in the corner of the room. He walked over to it and placed the tin can on top! He turned to walk away, but changed his mind and went back to retrieve the can. This repeated about 3 times, until the song was over. He couldn't decide whether he should play the instrument or get a jump on putting it away!

Daniel had learned this obsessive need to clean up from me, of course. While I don't usually emphasize cleaning up verbally to him, I'm sure he observes me on a regular basis putting his toys away and tidying up the kitchen and living room. I can certainly be obsessive about this activity, and I'm afraid that it has rubbed off on Daniel. I don't want him to be so worried about cleaning up that it prevents him from enjoying an activity. From now on, I'll have to be more conscious of how often I'm tidying up in front of him. I might actually have to wait until he's asleep before I do it.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

My Support System

As any first-time mother will tell you, it can take quite some time to get into a semi-normal routine after having your baby. Between sleep deprivation, breast pumping, and general moodiness, it can seem at times like you'll never leave the house again. The irony of this situation is that leaving the house is precisely what you need. Which is why I thank my lucky stars for the MOMS Club.

I heard about the group from a neighborhood woman I had met at Gymboree. She raved about how well organized the activities were, and how nice the other mothers seemed to be. Upon her recommendation, I joined the group. I was immediately invited to join a playgroup of women with babies around Daniel's age. It was exactly what I was hoping for, and it fell right into my lap! I ended up being extra lucky to join a group of eight or so caring, nurturing women who have truly become friends. We meet once a week at someone's home and commiserate with one another while our children play. It's a win-win situation.

Today at playgroup, one of the women commented, "I'm so glad to have you ladies to talk to." Sure, we all have our friends and families, but there's something really special about spending time with people with whom you can share stories of experiences that they, too, have been through. Whether I'm looking for advice, encouragement, or simple understanding, I can turn to these women for support. Each one of them is genuinely interested in sharing the bond of motherhood. We lean on each other in times of frustration, but also know we can get a good laugh. Just this morning, we discussed leaky boobs, bribes for successful diaper changes, and how to properly address a toddler who is turning the pages of his book before his Mom is finished reading. This group is invaluable to me.

I enjoy taking Daniel to music class and Little Gym, but I cherish Tuesday mornings for their warmth and companionship. As the women in our group have more children, I hope we continue to meet. There will always be something to talk about. Kids will always do crazy things, moms will always find situations when they want to scream, and I will always appreciate these women for being my rock through the whirlwind of new motherhood.

Monday, November 17, 2008

So Proud!

One of the most amusing behaviors that I've seen Daniel display is when he claps for himself after completing a task. He doesn't clap for just any accomplishment, but rather for those things that he deems worthy of someone else's praise. Whether I initiate the celebration or not, Daniel claps for himself when he does something for which he's earned praise in the past. He remembers the warm reception he got last time, and therefore claps as an incentive for others to join in. Most of the time, the clapping is infectious. He's very clever, that little boy of mine.

If I recall correctly, the clapping began at mealtimes. If Daniel was playing games instead of eating, I'd try to find imaginative ways (singing, mostly) to encourage him to eat. When he finally put some food into his mouth, I'd make a really big deal out of it. Clapping, cheering, even standing ovations. He loved it! Soon, this "performing" for praise spread to other daily activities. If I ask him to hand me an object and he cooperates, I'll thank him and he'll clap for himself. He claps when he puts his toys away (I've even caught him doing this at music class several times -- he'll put a prop back into its container and clap discretely). Daniel also claps on cue when he hears others clapping. We could be at a restaurant where the waitstaff is singing "Happy Birthday" to a patron. Daniel will clap along with the group as if he is the one for whom the celebration is taking place!

I'm thrilled that Daniel can associate his positive behavior with being praised and feeling proud. Hopefully, he will continue to feel proud of his successes and accomplishments, and that feeling of pride will become addictive to him. Something I learned as a teacher and which holds true for parenting as well, is that the best way to discourage negative behaviors is to reinforce positive behaviors with praise. It's a Pavlovian concept, it's learned, and Daniel gets it.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Wild and Crazy Friday Nights

My twenties were filled with debauchery. Well, not really. After a long week of grad school and student teaching, however, I looked forward to letting loose over the weekend. Out on the town with the girls, I frolicked until the wee hours of the morning -- knowing that I could sleep it off the next day. Friday nights were the pinnacle of the festivities. We had the whole weekend ahead of us, and we were going to have fun. Staying home was out of the question.

Fast forward eight years or so, and I am curled up on the sofa in my sweats. My 17-month-old toddler is blissfully asleep in his crib and I am eager for take-out pizza and an On-Demand movie with the hubby. My Fridays of yesteryear are gone -- the closest I get these days are a glass of wine from the state store inside the Superfresh. If I pass out on the sofa, it's from exhaustion and not from too much partying. Tomorrow morning, I'll be up bright and early to greet my gorgeous little boy as he begins his day. And that's just how I like it.

I often remark how happy I am that I didn't have my first child until I turned 30. My twenties were marked by occasional moments of irresponsibility, and those nights were among the most fun. Though I do look back on that time in my life with fond memories, I don't miss it. I'll eat pizza in my sweats, put my baby boy to sleep, and curl up with a good movie. I'm okay with a Friday night at home, because I'm now responsible for the most precious thing of all.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

My Friendly Little Guy

Daniel has never suffered from that common toddler condition known as "stranger anxiety." In fact, he has demonstrated social behavior that far surpasses most adults' level of friendliness. I like to tell people that he is a big flirt. But it's more than that. Sure, he loves the attention. Who doesn't? Daniel's brand of friendliness, however, involves more than simply feeling comfortable around strangers. First and foremost, he waves constantly. He waves at salespeople in stores, checkout clerks at the grocery store, people standing in line at the deli counter, waiters in restaurants, and other children pretty much wherever he goes. He doesn't wait for them to acknowledge his presence. Rather, I believe he waves unconditionally, in the hopes that his target will notice him and make a fuss. Most of the time, he successfully achieves his goal. I've even caught him waving at trucks while riding along in the car.

Another indicator of his friendliness is his smile. Once he has caught someone's eye, Daniel turns on the charm with a thousand-watt smile that could melt even the iciest of hearts. He usually smiles at women, but I've caught him charming the guys, too (usually nice little old men, but still...). Daniel's favorite scenario is when he is noticed while playing the role of the casual observer. He'll be staring at someone with whom I'm engaged in some sort of transaction, and that person will stop what he or she is doing to acknowledge him. Before he responds with a smile or wave, he glances at me with a small grin as if to ask permission to communicate with the stranger. I nod or smile at him, and he goes to work.

I try to always praise Daniel for demonstrating friendly behavior. I want him to know how important it is to project a positive demeanor to others. By that same token, when he is snubbed by an unfriendly grouch, I praise him extra loudly (in the hopes that the offending person will learn a little something in the process). If everyone were as happy and friendly as my little guy, the world would be a much more peaceful place!!!

Monday, November 10, 2008

A Time to Vent

Today's discussion at Mommy & Me was about anger. What makes your toddler angry, and how do you handle it? The topic is certainly age-appropriate. As Daniel becomes more mobile and independent, he wants to do everything himself (see yesterday's post). He knows what he wants, and how to get it. He doesn't have the language skills to explain his needs or argue his opinion. Thus, anger emerges.

Daniel gets angry when you take something away from him. The telephone and remote control are two sacred possessions which he holds on to for dear life. He'll immediately burst into tears if separated from either one. (The trick is to never give them to him in the first place -- Peter is still working on this strategy.) He also gets angry when you try to force him to eat something he doesn't want. That anger is usually accompanied by a swat of the hand, sending the spoon and offending food flying across the kitchen. Daniel occasionally gets angry when you lie him down for a diaper change or a change of clothes. He'd much rather be moving around, and he'll wriggle and complain until you've completed your task. I've usually broken into a sweat by that point.

I try to remain calm when Daniel freaks out, but I certainly have my meltdown moments. Smiling and joking helps, as does singing a silly song or confiding in Ollie. I've yelled at Daniel a couple of times, but quickly learned that was pointless. His response was to smile at me, making me feel even worse for having yelled. Deep breathing helps, and sometimes I just walk away from the situation. I think about what it must be like to know what you want but to not be able to communicate it to anyone. When Daniel does gets angry, though infrequent, it's usually because he is frustrated. It's hard to NOT be sympathetic.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Big Boy Behavior

A common phrase heard in our house these days is, "Do it like a big boy." Whether I'm asking Daniel to eat in a particular manner or to assist in getting himself dressed and groomed, I add this caveat in the hopes of encouraging him to impress me with his new skills. While I'm pretty sure he doesn't know what it means to act like a "big boy," he never hesitates to imitate any action I've demonstrated for him. When I stopped cutting his pizza into small pieces, he stepped up to the challenge of eating it in strips. I figured I had just been underestimating his ability to eat in a more advanced fashion. So now I'm trying to push the envelope with other routine activities. Instead of always carrying him to and from the car, I let him walk. Rather than wrestling with him to brush his teeth, I give him the toothbrush and let him move it around his mouth. It may not be the most effective tooth cleaning, but he's doing it himself -- without squirming or agitation! We're working on getting dressed and undressed. If I ask him to give me his pajama shirt, he'll tug at it. As I'm dressing him, he knows how to put his arms through the arm holes of his shirt. Lately, I'll give him the brush or comb and let him groom his hair like a "big boy." A little part of me hopes that all of this encouragement to be independent will help down the road with such imposing tasks as potty training and sleeping in a "big boy" bed. It never hurts to be prepared!

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Branching Out

Peter and I are very fortunate to have our parents living close by. As the first grandchild on both sides, Daniel has had no shortage of available babysitters. We have been lucky enough to enjoy romantic dinners and movie nights, thanks to Daniel's grandparents who are always willing to help out. And even though I know they'd rather babysit him than be anywhere else, there's a little nagging feeling of guilt in the back of my mind. Do we burden them too often with the responsibility? Should they feel obligated to watch Daniel whenever we ask? Is it fair to have no "Plan C" when it comes to available babysitters?

Probably not. Which is why I'm so delighted to have found a possible babysitter who is not related to Daniel in any way. Her name was passed to me by another mom in the MOMS Club, who happens to be this girl's neighbor. She is looking for babysitting jobs, and appears to have some child-sitting experience. The best part is that she is 13 years old. If this works out, I could potentially utilize her services for the next 4 years!!!

What is so ironic is that Peter and I were just talking about the need for an "outside" babysitter. I was even willing to recruit a local teenager by stuffing fliers into mailboxes or by posting an advertisement at Montco or Temple Ambler. This girl just dropped into my lap at the perfect time! It almost seems too easy, which is why I'm not going to do any backflips until I meet her and get a sense of how trustworthy and mature she is. If I'm going to leave Daniel in the hands of a stranger (and a very young one at that) she's going to have to impress me. I've taught enough careless and irresponsible 9-year-olds to know how they turn out 4 years later! Here's hoping this girl surprises me and wins my trust.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Cheating on Gymbo

I started taking Daniel to Gymboree classes when he was just 7 weeks old. Now, approximately 15 months later, I am ready for a change of scenery. Daniel still loves the familiarity of the Welcome song, getting special attention from Miss Eva, and being hugged by Gymbo at the end of class. Maybe that's why I feel slightly guilty for dropping Gymboree in favor of The Little Gym. It's almost like I'm cheating on Gymbo with his archenemy, the kids' gym down the street.

Part of me feels like I should persevere and stick with Gymboree, since Daniel enjoys it so much. But who's to say that he won't love The Little Gym even more? Then there's that little selfish sliver of me that is simply bored with the same routine week after week. The same songs, the same equipment, the same faces. And now that the majority of the moms in the class are pregnant with their second (or third) child -- seriously, some weeks I feel like I'm the only one in there not talking about how I'm going to handle my toddler with a new bundle of joy on the way -- I feel like I have less in common with them. I'm ready for a new crop of mommies, and a new weekly destination for Daniel and I. Is that so wrong?

Today was our second-to-last Gymboree class. I grinned and bared it through the free play when Daniel went down the same slide about thirty times, the parachute games when Daniel only wanted to run off and do his own thing, and even having to listen to a particularly annoying pregnant mom share her feelings about the first time her toddler heard her unborn baby's heartbeat. As I filled out the "change of membership status" form at the end of class, I suddenly didn't feel so guilty anymore.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Daniel's Generation

It has been a momentous couple of weeks around here: David and Chandra got married, the Phillies WON the World Series, and Daniel celebrated his second Halloween (but his first time as a Trick-or-Treater). Tomorrow is Election Day, and our nation will be electing a new President. Regardless of who the winner turns out to be, this election will mark the first time in history that an African-American has run as a major-party candidate. While this fact may not directly impact Daniel's life (at least not immediately), it serves as a distinguishing moment for his generation.

I am 30 years older than my son. When I was born, Jimmy Carter was president. Elvis was still alive, albeit drug-addled and portly. Cell phones were science fiction. Computers were...oh, you get the point. I think about my childhood as a slide show of memorable events: the introduction of the Cabbage Patch Kid, Madonna's debut album, crying at the end of "E.T." Politically, things seemed pretty stable (from my naive point of view). Ronald Reagan was a popular president. I remember prosperity and domestic bliss. I'm not sure if I was lost in the utopia of my own youth, or if things really were that good.

When Daniel looks back upon his early years, what will stand out in his mind? The current economic crisis? Hopefully not. The war on terror? Please, no. Barack Obama's run for the White House? Not likely. We live in uncertain times (sorry for the cliche) and life seems so much more complicated than it was 30 years ago. I can only hope that Daniel's current point of view on history is as innocent as mine was way back when. I hope that he looks back on his childhood as a time of family trips, cherished toys, and special occasions. He has the rest of his life to read all about the other stuff.