A Time to Vent

Today's discussion at Mommy & Me was about anger. What makes your toddler angry, and how do you handle it? The topic is certainly age-appropriate. As Daniel becomes more mobile and independent, he wants to do everything himself (see yesterday's post). He knows what he wants, and how to get it. He doesn't have the language skills to explain his needs or argue his opinion. Thus, anger emerges.

Daniel gets angry when you take something away from him. The telephone and remote control are two sacred possessions which he holds on to for dear life. He'll immediately burst into tears if separated from either one. (The trick is to never give them to him in the first place -- Peter is still working on this strategy.) He also gets angry when you try to force him to eat something he doesn't want. That anger is usually accompanied by a swat of the hand, sending the spoon and offending food flying across the kitchen. Daniel occasionally gets angry when you lie him down for a diaper change or a change of clothes. He'd much rather be moving around, and he'll wriggle and complain until you've completed your task. I've usually broken into a sweat by that point.

I try to remain calm when Daniel freaks out, but I certainly have my meltdown moments. Smiling and joking helps, as does singing a silly song or confiding in Ollie. I've yelled at Daniel a couple of times, but quickly learned that was pointless. His response was to smile at me, making me feel even worse for having yelled. Deep breathing helps, and sometimes I just walk away from the situation. I think about what it must be like to know what you want but to not be able to communicate it to anyone. When Daniel does gets angry, though infrequent, it's usually because he is frustrated. It's hard to NOT be sympathetic.