A Thin Line Between Eating and Freaking Out!

Mealtimes have become increasingly tense in our house. My once-content little boy has transformed into a bossy, opinionated toddler who never seems to be satisfied with where he's sitting or what he's eating. The most frustrating part of this change in behavior is its inconsistency. One day, Daniel may be happy to sit quietly in his high chair and devour the pizza and strawberries on his plate. Two days later, you'd think he was strapped into a torture device with a plate of creepy-crawlies in front of him. Sometimes I feel like I'm living with a schizophrenic.

Breakfast is the easiest meal of the day (for me). I usually have no problem slipping Daniel into his high chair, and he rarely complains. He's so hungry in the morning that he eats pretty much whatever I put in front of him (lately, his favorite is "cake and nana" -- some form of Eggo pancake or waffle and sliced banana). By lunchtime, his impatient side has taken over. Even if I do manage to get him into the high chair, he needs some distraction to get him to eat. It's a double-edged sword. If I don't give him something to play with, he'll whine and toss his food around without eating anything. If I do give him a truck to drive around the high chair tray, he has so much fun that he forgets about the food in front of him. I have to sneak bites of food into his mouth (and hope that my finger doesn't become part of his meal). This typically works out pretty well, but I often wonder if I'll still be hand-feeding him when he goes off to college.

Then there's dinner. What used to be a calm, quiet family meal has turned into a battle of wills. I no longer wait until Peter gets home to feed Daniel. Instead, I serve Daniel's dinner at 5:30 and let him play while Peter and I eat about an hour later. Anytime we're all seated at the table together, Daniel completely ignores his food and reaches for whatever Peter and I are eating. Then he'll lean over in his high chair and yell, "Seat! Seat!" He won't stop (or eat) until he's out of the high chair and sitting in a regular kitchen chair (no booster seat tolerated, I might add). Why don't I just get rid of the high chair and make my life a lot easier? Well, he spends most of his time in the big chair standing up and trying to climb onto the table. Either Peter or I inevitably have to spend most of the meal correcting Daniel's behavior and trying to encourage him to eat something. It's truly exhausting, and unfair to both of us.

Going out to restaurants? Forget it, for now. I have no interest in struggling through a meal with a difficult toddler in public, thank you very much. I'm optimistic that this phase will eventually pass. I know that Daniel will eat if he's hungry. No child ever willingly went on a hunger strike. In the meantime, however, we'll continue to strategize about how best to manage mealtimes. And we'll keep the local take-out places in business!

Yo Ho, Yo Ho, A Pirate's Life for Me!

Today I conducted a little experiment. Instead of picking Daniel up from camp at noon and taking him home to feed him lunch, I paid an extra $10 to allow him to participate in a special pirate-themed lunch. He stayed until 1:00, and ate lunch with the other kids in his bunk. I was dying to know how he'd fare without me. Would he eat anything? Would he sit in a chair properly and behave during lunch? (Unlike he's been doing at home recently -- throwing food on the floor and trying to climb out of his high chair!) Would I be able to squeeze in all of my errands with this blessed extra hour to myself? In a word, YES!

According to Daniel's counselor, Miss Cathy, he had a fabulous day. She carried him over to the car in the pick-up line and told me that he ate his chicken nuggets and even shared some of her fruit! My little moocher! Apparently, she had pineapple and cantaloupe and Daniel just couldn't resist. I was so happy to hear that he actually ate lunch, I didn't really ask about the rest of the morning. She did say that he seems to be doing better and better each day, which made my heart swell with pride. Cathy's son, Zach, buckled Daniel into his car seat and I asked him to say goodbye. He blew a kiss to Cathy and waved goodbye to Zach. It was really quite adorable, especially since I only see tears in the mornings during drop-off.

I'm so thrilled to know that Daniel is adjusting well to camp and, more specifically, to being apart from me during the day. As much as I miss our one-on-one time together, I know that he is taking part in a nurturing and developmentally-appropriate activity. He greets me after camp with a huge smile, and I know that this experience is truly enriching his life.

Daniel's Loveys

My little boy has quite the elaborate nap and bedtime routine. This routine has evolved and changed over the past two years, but what has remained constant is the presence of one or more (or many, many) loveys. Call them dolls, security blankets, or binkies -- these objects are among the most valuable ones in my home. Without them, my darling Daniel might not be such a phenomenal sleeper. These loveys are my go-to arsenal when he is cranky or difficult -- my port in the storm, so to speak. If I were to ever misplace or lose one...well, I'd rather not think about it.

Currently, at 2 years old, Daniel's crib is filled with every kind of lovey imaginable: stuffed animals, blankets, pillows. No longer a choking or suffocation hazard (thank goodness!), I can pile them on top of Daniel and rest assured that he will drift off to dreamland with a smile on his face. His small Elmo doll is a particular treasure. Both Daniel and I bestow countless kisses upon Elmo's head each night before bed. If Daniel is reluctant to go down for a nap, I can still pull the old "Elmo misses you" out of my hat. The day that stops working, I will be in mourning.

Another favorite is his Taggies blanket. In fact, we just added a new blanket and pillow to the crib. Daniel's sleep space is now stuffed with soft, fleece covers and cushions which are adorned with many colorful, silky tags. He loves to stroke them, and I think he's comforted just by the fact that the tags are there with him. God bless the Taggies company!

As Daniel gets older, his preference of loveys will change and, most likely, go away. Dolls and blankets will be replaced by cool sheets and books by flashlight, late at night. Whatever comforts him enough to make him feel secure in drifting off to sleep, I'll forever endorse. I only wish dolls and blankets still worked for me.

Mommy, Meet the Opposition

I'm always skeptical when people talk about the "terrible twos." Quite frankly, children develop differently and I find it hard to believe that every child must experience a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde transformation on the eve of his 2nd birthday. That is, until my perfect little angel woke up one morning with devil horns.

I'm not saying that Daniel is naughty, but he has recently developed an increasingly oppositional personality that seems to coincide perfectly with the beginning of his third year of life. Not only is his vocabulary growing at an amazing rate, but his temper is as well. When he doesn't get his way, he will no longer "let it slide." Oh no. He will whine, cry, throw things, even hurl himself onto the floor just to communicate to me that he is, in fact, pissed off. Simple daily rituals have become battles: changing his diaper involves getting repeatedly kicked in the chest and face, putting him in his high chair for a meal can take years off your life, and putting him in his crib for a nap or bedtime is a crapshoot. Sometimes he lays down peacefully and babbles himself to sleep, while other times he cries his eyes out and throws his beloved blanket over the side of the crib in the hopes that Mommy or Daddy will come to his rescue. If I happen to intervene on his behalf, he will continue the behavior. It's a never-ending circle of frustration, and it makes me want to bang my head against a wall.

Part of the reason why this defiant behavior is so stressful for us is because we are experiencing it for the first time. Daniel has always been an easy kid, and we have not often found ourselves in these challenging situations. Ultimately, the way we learn to deal with Daniel's oppositional behavior will make us better parents and help us immensely when the next child comes along. I suppose we are lucky to have made it this far without having to deal with sleeping or eating issues. And I know that this is just a phase. There is light at the end of the tunnel. But sometimes it seems like the tunnel is terribly, terribly long.

On a Roll

Daniel had another great day at camp today. After a rough drop-off this morning, I was nervous. He started to cry as soon as we pulled into the parking lot. I tried to remain upbeat, telling him what fun activities he'd do at camp today. In my mind, I kept thinking that he may very well be crying just to get attention from me. Ever since he turned 2 just a few weeks ago, Daniel has been thinking up more and more creative ways to try my patience or push my buttons. Since this behavior is developmentally appropriate, I'm not too concerned (just a little frustrated). His dramatic performance at camp drop-off is partially his way of testing my perseverance. Will I cave in and take him home? Or will I stand my ground and continue taking him back to camp every week? As hard as it seems sometimes, my heels are firmly planted.

When I picked him up at noon, he was all smiles. The counselor told me that he had an "unbelievable" day, with no crying and lots of playing. What fantastic news! Now I feel confident that the morning hysterics are only temporary, and that Daniel truly is having fun at camp!

Oh Joyous Day!

No words could possibly be sweeter to a Mommy's ears than this: "He didn't cry at all. He had a wonderful day!"

Such was the report I got from Miss Cathy at camp pick-up this afternoon. Not only was I overcome with relief and happiness, but I was quite surprised that Daniel had achieved this milestone just three days into his brand-new experience. This morning at drop-off, you'd never have guessed that the same child would have a fantastic day. Daniel was pulled from my car, crying and screaming. I could hear him shrieking, "Mommy!" as I drove away. Awful, right? I felt sick to my stomach, and just prayed that his sadness would pass and he would have an okay day. I called the camp office at 10:00 to check on him, and I got a good report. They told me that his bunk was on the playground and that all of the kids were happy. At least I knew he hadn't cried for an hour!

As with the first two days, pick-up was a more positive experience. Daniel was walked out to my car as he smiled and waved at me. Miss Cathy told me that he was like an entirely different child today -- laughing, being silly, playing peek-a-boo, and even showing his sense of humor. She was happy that she was finally getting to know the "real" Daniel, and I was jealous that I had to start sharing such an amazing gift.

The Adjustment Period Continues

Well, as expected, Daniel burst into tears at this morning's camp drop-off. He knew where we were as soon as I pulled up to the car line. He gave me this look as if to say, "You're not seriously thinking about leaving me here again, are you?" I tried to be as enthusiastic and upbeat as possible, but his little face crumpled as soon as he was taken out of the car. The worst part was watching him cry as he was carried into the building, reaching for me the whole time. It really broke my heart to see him so sad, and to think about how he would do for the rest of the morning. I know that he will eventually get used to this new routine and hopefully even look forward to going to camp, but I can't help but worry that he's just not ready for this separation. I hope that I am proven wrong over the next couple of weeks!

At pick-up, Daniel was calm and excited to see me. He waved as he walked towards the car, and seemed happy to see Ollie again. I gave him his Diego cup with water and a bag of pretzels once he was in his car seat, and that made him happy. I even played a Mickey Mouse Clubhouse song on my iPod during the 2-minute drive home! Anything to keep him content and positive!

Daniel's counselor, Cathy, called me later this afternoon to give me the daily report. She said that Daniel was sad today, but not as sad as he had been on Monday. He participated in the group project and even went swimming (though she mentioned that he didn't like his water shoes -- I can totally imagine how he must have given the counselors a hard time when they were trying to put them on his feet!). She listed as many positive things as she could think of (having been a teacher, I appreciated her method), including the fact that Daniel was able to recover quickly from his crying jags and that he allowed pretty much anyone to hold him and comfort him. While I'm thankful to anyone who provided that comfort, how I wish that it could have been me!