My Little Outdoor Adventurer

Now that he's mobile and the weather is finally taking a turn for the better, Daniel wants nothing more than to be outside. He stares longingly at the back door, pleading with you to take him out back, and cries his eyes out when it's time to come inside. This weekend was unseasonably warm and sunny, so we vowed to spend as much time as possible outdoors with Daniel. When Sunday night rolled around, he was bruised, scraped, extremely dirty, and unimaginably overjoyed!

We took him to several different playgrounds, where he climbed every set of stairs he could find. Not thrilled with the idea of sliding down the slide, he spent lots of time trying to climb up it! He ran excitedly across bridges and platforms, and even picked dandelions from the grass. At Valley Green, he was permitted to come out of his stroller to descend the stone steps (with Daddy's assistance) down to the creek.

He stumbled a couple of times, got a little bit scraped, but he was a trooper. He would stand up, brush off his hands, and forge ahead. I was so proud of him. I love that he loves getting dirty (even if I don't). I get such a thrill out of watching him run up and down the hill in our backyard. I feel lucky to have a little bruiser who would rather run around outside than sit in front of the TV.

Now that spring is officially here and summer is on its way, I can't wait to share more outdoors adventures with him. The best part is that he is no longer limited to sitting in his stroller while I push him along the sidewalk. He can feel the grass between his toes, explore the world on his hands and knees, and chase Ollie across the backyard. Now is the time when Daniel's childhood officially begins.

Big, Bad, Scary Mommy

Sometime around his first birthday, Daniel began to understand the difference between right and wrong. By observing patterns in my reactions to his behavior, Daniel was able to figure out which actions were sure to make me hot under the collar. Like any curious toddler, trying to find his way in the world, he began to occasionally do something for no reason other than to elicit the "angry" reaction from Mommy. And, boy, did it work. Whether he was throwing food off the tray of his high chair, dumping out the dog's food and water bowls, or rifling through the cutlery in the dishwasher, Daniel needed only to glance at my face to know that his plan had succeeded. Mommy was P.O.'d. He would smile his triumphant smile and continue on his way.

Don't get me wrong -- Daniel still "tests" my patience at least once a day. But now it seems like he shows a little bit more remorse than he ever has before. He might not know how to say "sorry" yet, but I can see it in his body language. Let's say he runs into the kitchen and purposely dumps the dog food. I'll scold him for it (and, yes, sometimes I'll yell) and I can see his face drop. He doesn't like the feeling of making Mommy angry. It disturbs his sense of stability and security. A couple of times in the past week, he has even burst into tears after being "yelled at." What I find so interesting is that he still runs to me for comfort, even if I'm the one whose yelling made him cry in the first place!

It breaks my heart a little bit to see him so distraught over being scolded for naughty behavior, but in a way I'm glad that he feels sad when he doesn't do the right thing. Maybe this is the beginning of a new period of self-awareness for him. Maybe he'll begin to strive to practice positive behaviors that elicit praise from Mommy, rather than being naughty for the sake of watching Mommy's head explode. In any case, maybe it's okay that he's a tiny, tiny bit scared of Mommy when he's caught doing something naughty. As long as I'm consistent with both the discipline and the love that I dole out, I can't imagine that a little fear will do any harm. On the contrary, I think it's important for him to understand that there are consequences for inappropriate behavior. Too often, I see young children who talk back to their parents and even hit their parents. Clearly, these children are afraid of nothing.

Wreaking Havoc, Toddler Style

Daniel has a new routine when we arrive home from our "morning activity." After being released from the confines of his car seat, he leads me on a wild goose chase around the yard (much to Ollie's delight). Once I've lassoed him into the house, he heads straight for Ollie's food, grabs a handful of it (dry, thank goodness), and tosses it at the dog. I truly believe that he's so excited to see Ollie, he can't control his impulses. Luckily, his impulse is to throw dog food, not to punch the dog in the face. From there, it can go one of any number of ways. Maybe he'll climb up onto the kitchen chairs and grab the salt and pepper shakers. Or he'll begin pulling tissues from the box, letting them drift to the floor like deflated ghosts. Sometimes he'll even run over to his toy shopping cart and upend the whole thing, laughing with glee as the plastic eggs roll across the room.

This sequence of events is Daniel's "chaos." I want to believe that his demonstration of free will is simply a response to feeling cooped up in the car (or his stroller, or a shopping cart seat) for too long. It's his way of saying, "Look, Mom! I can control my environment! Even better, I can control YOU! I'm just gonna keep on going while you scramble to confine my path of destruction to one room!" The problem is, I still haven't come to terms with the idea of NOT practicing damage control. Currently, my instincts tell me to pick up the dog food (What if Daniel eats it?), to move the tissue box to higher ground (Wasting precious tissues -- oh, the horror!), or to store his shopping cart in the playroom (in the foolish hopes of possibly delaying his mess-making for another couple of minutes).

I'm wise enough to know that I can't change a toddler's behavioral instincts. Who am I to stifle his "creative" actions? Perhaps the answer lies in changing my own anal-retentive, tidy-freak ways. Maybe if I just embrace the idea of having a chaotic home, I'll find my zen. Ironic, huh?

A Unique Kind of Separation Anxiety

Daniel has never had "stranger" issues. He's friendly to the supermarket checker, the Quest nurse, and pretty much any young woman who pays even a little bit of attention to him. So it naturally follows that he hasn't experienced the separation anxiety that typically befalls most toddlers in the 18 to 24-month-old range. Peter and I started leaving him with his grandparents at a very young age, so we could get out of the house for a quiet meal or even a (rare) movie. To this day, Daniel has never shown any sadness or anger when we say goodbye and walk out the door. A mother or father with a low level of confidence in his or her parenting skills might see this (lack of) behavior as a manifestation of the child's indifference towards his parents. I know better. I simply think that we did right by Daniel by taking time for ourselves and not feeling guilty about occasionally leaving him behind. So when Daniel got all worked up this weekend at the "Thomas and Friends" live show, I was amazed to see him demonstrate that he does, in fact, experience separation anxiety. Just not the kind I was expecting.

In between scenes, the trains would exit the stage and the curtains would close. This happened maybe 5 or 6 times throughout the entire production. Each time, Daniel would burst into tears, climb into my lap, and bury his face in my shoulder. It was like he was terrified and saddened at the same time. The trains had gone away! They had left him behind! There was no guarantee they would return. But they always did. Each time he broke down, I would comfort him by saying, "They're coming back, I promise." The curtains would open and the trains would reappear on stage with their googly eyes and lopsided smiles. Daniel would turn around and become refocused on the show. Even after the trains disappeared and reappeared several times, Daniel would still burst into tears when it happened again. He was almost inconsolable! Whereas Daniel doesn't typically mind when I leave him behind with his grandparents or a babysitter, he must have felt terribly hurt by the trains' departures. It just goes to show that separation anxiety has practically nothing to do with how much time a parent spends hovering over his or her child.

Can't We All Just Get Along?

What's with all the hitting and stealing toys? Yes, it's developmentally appropriate for Daniel's age group (18 to 24 months). Yes, it's an attempt by the toddler to control what is surely a scary and uncertain world. Yes, it's normal. No, my child does not do it. So, yes, it's really starting to tick me off.

I will be the first to admit that Daniel is not perfect. He exhibits many of the defiant behaviors that are so characteristic of his age. But he has never hit me, nor has he struck another child. He doesn't push, either. Which is why I feel so conflicted on the numerous occasions when another child acts aggressively towards him. Do I step in and mediate the "disagreement?" Or do I let Daniel figure out how to stand up for himself and deal with these mini-bullies?

One of the biggest issues I see now between children in Daniel's peer group is the refusal to share, or the taking of the toys. There could be a thousand toys in a room, but inevitably two toddlers will end up fighting over the same one. I have seen children stop what they are doing, cross the room, and yank a toy out of another child's hands. Just because. My heart breaks when Daniel looks up at me with those sad eyes, as if to say, "What did I do wrong, Mommy? Why can't I play with that toy?" I can't very well answer, "Because that child is an a**hole."

I'm torn between feeling relieved that Daniel does not hit or take things from other kids, and not wanting him to be taken advantage of because he refuses to "fight back." Is it possible that he will skip this phase completely, and instead be at the mercy of other toddlers who covet everything he gets his little hands on? Why is toddlerhood such a selfish phase for so many children, but not all of them? I know that I would cringe with embarrassment if I ever saw Daniel hit another child. It would be even worse if he hit me in front of other people. So I suppose I'm lucky in that regard.

I just wish these other punks would stop beating up on my little lamb.