Big, Bad, Scary Mommy

Sometime around his first birthday, Daniel began to understand the difference between right and wrong. By observing patterns in my reactions to his behavior, Daniel was able to figure out which actions were sure to make me hot under the collar. Like any curious toddler, trying to find his way in the world, he began to occasionally do something for no reason other than to elicit the "angry" reaction from Mommy. And, boy, did it work. Whether he was throwing food off the tray of his high chair, dumping out the dog's food and water bowls, or rifling through the cutlery in the dishwasher, Daniel needed only to glance at my face to know that his plan had succeeded. Mommy was P.O.'d. He would smile his triumphant smile and continue on his way.

Don't get me wrong -- Daniel still "tests" my patience at least once a day. But now it seems like he shows a little bit more remorse than he ever has before. He might not know how to say "sorry" yet, but I can see it in his body language. Let's say he runs into the kitchen and purposely dumps the dog food. I'll scold him for it (and, yes, sometimes I'll yell) and I can see his face drop. He doesn't like the feeling of making Mommy angry. It disturbs his sense of stability and security. A couple of times in the past week, he has even burst into tears after being "yelled at." What I find so interesting is that he still runs to me for comfort, even if I'm the one whose yelling made him cry in the first place!

It breaks my heart a little bit to see him so distraught over being scolded for naughty behavior, but in a way I'm glad that he feels sad when he doesn't do the right thing. Maybe this is the beginning of a new period of self-awareness for him. Maybe he'll begin to strive to practice positive behaviors that elicit praise from Mommy, rather than being naughty for the sake of watching Mommy's head explode. In any case, maybe it's okay that he's a tiny, tiny bit scared of Mommy when he's caught doing something naughty. As long as I'm consistent with both the discipline and the love that I dole out, I can't imagine that a little fear will do any harm. On the contrary, I think it's important for him to understand that there are consequences for inappropriate behavior. Too often, I see young children who talk back to their parents and even hit their parents. Clearly, these children are afraid of nothing.