We are heading down to Florida on Friday, for our second annual "extended visit." Last year, Daniel was just 7 months old, and not yet mobile. He was sitting up on his own and starting to do some pre-crawling rocking, but that was it. We could leave him on the floor in the living room, grab something from the kitchen or bathroom, and be relatively certain that he'd be in the same place when we returned. Not anymore. A year later, the issue isn't how to get him to move on his own, but rather how to get him to stay still! Luckily, the house is only one level and there are no stairs to worry about. Check that one off the list.
Daniel will no doubt want to explore every room in the house, including the sun porch. What will be fun is to allow him to move around outdoors. Whether we're at the pool, at a playground or park, or at a zoo or science center, Daniel will gain a new perspective of South Florida. Last year, we dragged him everywhere in his infant seat. He spent most of his time looking up at our faces, and keeping himself entertained while we dined. This visit should be a much more interactive experience for him, and I'm sure he'll enjoy it immensely.
We plan on hitting zoos, parks, and museums from Boca to Fort Lauderdale and beyond. We'll have some down time, for certain, and be sure to fit in our daily walks and trips to the pool. Instead of simply coming along for the ride, however, Daniel will be an active participant in our daily activities. He's a little person now, a fun companion, and his reactions are sure to be priceless.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Negotiating Naptime
There is a silent prayer that every mother recites at naptime, once her child has been placed in his crib and she has retreated to another room to listen with hawk-like intensity. The prayer goes something like this:
Please go to sleep. You've been awake for 6 hours, therefore you MUST be exhausted. Please do not let your babbling turn into crying. Stay calm. Relax. What was that noise? Did you just fall out of your crib, or simply hurl a stuffed animal across the room? Please go to sleep so Mommy can have some alone time. I love spending time with you, but I really need a break. Stop kicking the wall. I hear you, but I'm not coming in there. Please, for the love of God, go to sleep!
There was a time when Daniel would fall asleep as soon as his head touched the mattress. I shouldn't complain -- he's still a good sleeper. But naptime has become more and more contentious. I have to wait until he's happy and content to put him down, or else all hell breaks loose. Crying that sounds more like the screams of a torture victim. Even when he goes down calmly, he proceeds to "talk" and whine for what seems like an eternity. The past couple of days, it has taken him almost an hour to fall asleep! The whole time he's fighting the shut-eye, I'm sitting behind closed doors, reciting the above prayer to myself. I feel like I can't relax until I know he is asleep. So I sit on edge, waiting for the blissful sound of silence. Sometimes he teases me. He'll be silent for a minute or so, and then break into a stream of babble so emphatic that I'm sure he was never close to sleep in the first place.
I guess I'm lucky that he eventually falls asleep. I totally sympathize with those moms whose children sleep for a half-hour and wake up screaming at the top of their lungs. Perhaps, from now on, my "nap prayer" should contain a grateful clause at the end: Thank you for your willingness to give up the sleep fight! You'll thank me someday!
Please go to sleep. You've been awake for 6 hours, therefore you MUST be exhausted. Please do not let your babbling turn into crying. Stay calm. Relax. What was that noise? Did you just fall out of your crib, or simply hurl a stuffed animal across the room? Please go to sleep so Mommy can have some alone time. I love spending time with you, but I really need a break. Stop kicking the wall. I hear you, but I'm not coming in there. Please, for the love of God, go to sleep!
There was a time when Daniel would fall asleep as soon as his head touched the mattress. I shouldn't complain -- he's still a good sleeper. But naptime has become more and more contentious. I have to wait until he's happy and content to put him down, or else all hell breaks loose. Crying that sounds more like the screams of a torture victim. Even when he goes down calmly, he proceeds to "talk" and whine for what seems like an eternity. The past couple of days, it has taken him almost an hour to fall asleep! The whole time he's fighting the shut-eye, I'm sitting behind closed doors, reciting the above prayer to myself. I feel like I can't relax until I know he is asleep. So I sit on edge, waiting for the blissful sound of silence. Sometimes he teases me. He'll be silent for a minute or so, and then break into a stream of babble so emphatic that I'm sure he was never close to sleep in the first place.
I guess I'm lucky that he eventually falls asleep. I totally sympathize with those moms whose children sleep for a half-hour and wake up screaming at the top of their lungs. Perhaps, from now on, my "nap prayer" should contain a grateful clause at the end: Thank you for your willingness to give up the sleep fight! You'll thank me someday!
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
"Danger" is His Middle Name
As Daniel continues to improve his mobility skills, he is finding the courage to try all sorts of new things: walking on the balance beam at Little Gym, going down the slide by himself, and bouncing on his parents' bed, to name a few. All of these activities are wonderful indicators of his increasing independence and growing strength. What alarms me, however, are the activities that demonstrate his "nothing can hurt me," no-fear attitude. We're talking death-defying stunts that only a toddler would consider a good idea to try. While I'm thrilled that Daniel is not held back by any fear or hesitation, my motherly instinct sends a shiver up my spine the moment he begins to climb or jump. These days, it's pretty much all the time.
One of his favorite activities as of late is to climb up on a kitchen chair and stand there, reaching for whatever is on the kitchen table. Sometimes he hoists up his leg and proceeds directly onto the table (an idea he got, no doubt, from our food-seeking dog). I don't mind him sitting on the chair, as long as someone is there to supervise. It's the climbing and standing that worry me. Even with an adult present, Daniel's movements are largely unpredictable. At any moment, he could conceivably fling himself off the side of the chair! And forget keeping a hand on him to assure that you'll catch him if he falls. He pushes it away in disgust. How dare you not trust him to keep his balance and stay safe?
We bought Daniel a climbing toy that has a door, a platform, and a small slide. He spent the first week stepping off the platform and hitting his head as he fell to the floor. Even when we demonstrated how to face the slide, sit down, and proceed feet-first, he still insisted on doing it his way. These attempts would obviously end in bumps, bruises, and tears. But there was something about the rush of doing it the "dangerous" way that made it irresistible to him. People always tell me, "Boys will be boys." I know that there are worse injuries in his future, especially when he begins to play sports. I just wish he'd be content to stand firmly on the ground until then!
One of his favorite activities as of late is to climb up on a kitchen chair and stand there, reaching for whatever is on the kitchen table. Sometimes he hoists up his leg and proceeds directly onto the table (an idea he got, no doubt, from our food-seeking dog). I don't mind him sitting on the chair, as long as someone is there to supervise. It's the climbing and standing that worry me. Even with an adult present, Daniel's movements are largely unpredictable. At any moment, he could conceivably fling himself off the side of the chair! And forget keeping a hand on him to assure that you'll catch him if he falls. He pushes it away in disgust. How dare you not trust him to keep his balance and stay safe?
We bought Daniel a climbing toy that has a door, a platform, and a small slide. He spent the first week stepping off the platform and hitting his head as he fell to the floor. Even when we demonstrated how to face the slide, sit down, and proceed feet-first, he still insisted on doing it his way. These attempts would obviously end in bumps, bruises, and tears. But there was something about the rush of doing it the "dangerous" way that made it irresistible to him. People always tell me, "Boys will be boys." I know that there are worse injuries in his future, especially when he begins to play sports. I just wish he'd be content to stand firmly on the ground until then!
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Mommy & Me, Part 2
Today Daniel and I started our new Mommy & Me class at Beth Or. I opted to switch from Temple Sinai primarily because I wanted to experience both classes and compare them. Based solely on the first day of class, it seems like they will be very similar. This class is smaller, which is nice. There are 6 women in the class, with their toddlers. I was happy that I wasn't the only one with just one child. When you're tagged at the "first-time Mom" you tend to feel like a novice. The other women will be talking about dropping off their older children at preschool or kindergarten, and you'll have nothing to contribute. But it can be extremely helpful to befriend these veteran Moms because they always have a wealth of information and good advice to share. In fact, that's how I learned about this current Mommy & Me class!
While the children ate a snack of Goldfish crackers and Nilla wafers, the Moms took turns introducing themselves and sharing their thoughts on toddlerhood and what they hoped to get out of the class. When it was my turn, I said that I loved how Daniel's sense of humor was developing, and how cuddly and affectionate he can be at times. When asked what I liked least about toddlerhood, I answered that I was frustrated by the way Daniel seems to know exactly how and when to push my buttons. The teacher mentioned that his behavior is developmentally appropriate -- at around 18 months, children begin to exert their autonomy and recognize themselves as separate from their parents. Daniel's defiance is his way of exercising his right to act independently of me (or at least demonstrating that he doesn't have to do everything I say).
As for what I hope to get out of the class, it's really an opportunity for socialization -- both Daniel's and my own. It gives Daniel a chance to play with new kids in a new environment. It's important for him to be able to adapt to different teachers' rules and different children's needs. Not only do I get to interact with Daniel in a kid-friendly environment away from home, with no other household distractions to sidetrack my attention, but I can get a feel for this preschool's atmosphere and compare it to others I've already seen or ones that I'm planning to visit. Come September, I'll be leaving Daniel at school, on his own, a couple of days a week. These classes allow Daniel and I to practice for that experience, kind of like wading in the shallow end with arm floaties before jumping off the diving board into the deep end.
While the children ate a snack of Goldfish crackers and Nilla wafers, the Moms took turns introducing themselves and sharing their thoughts on toddlerhood and what they hoped to get out of the class. When it was my turn, I said that I loved how Daniel's sense of humor was developing, and how cuddly and affectionate he can be at times. When asked what I liked least about toddlerhood, I answered that I was frustrated by the way Daniel seems to know exactly how and when to push my buttons. The teacher mentioned that his behavior is developmentally appropriate -- at around 18 months, children begin to exert their autonomy and recognize themselves as separate from their parents. Daniel's defiance is his way of exercising his right to act independently of me (or at least demonstrating that he doesn't have to do everything I say).
As for what I hope to get out of the class, it's really an opportunity for socialization -- both Daniel's and my own. It gives Daniel a chance to play with new kids in a new environment. It's important for him to be able to adapt to different teachers' rules and different children's needs. Not only do I get to interact with Daniel in a kid-friendly environment away from home, with no other household distractions to sidetrack my attention, but I can get a feel for this preschool's atmosphere and compare it to others I've already seen or ones that I'm planning to visit. Come September, I'll be leaving Daniel at school, on his own, a couple of days a week. These classes allow Daniel and I to practice for that experience, kind of like wading in the shallow end with arm floaties before jumping off the diving board into the deep end.
Monday, January 12, 2009
My New Full-Time Job
One thing that became startlingly clear to me over the 2-week holiday break, during which most of Daniel's classes were cancelled, was how much time I spend keeping Daniel occupied and happy. Sure, there are meal times and bedtime routines built into his daily schedule, but that still leaves many unscheduled hours for me to fill. Such is the challenge of the stay-at-home mom. How do we spend our days? To the masses (many of whom must not have children), it may seem like we have it easy. We don't have to work, and we get to spend hours on the sofa, eating bon-bons and watching soap operas. Right. I can't remember the last time I watched anything between the hours of 9:00 and 5:00 that didn't feature a character named Diego or Uniqua. My day includes more running than lounging. Aside from the 20 minutes each morning during which Daniel watches Nick, Jr. and I run around the house making beds and preparing breakfast, the TV remains dark. If it weren't for the variety of activities that fill our week, I would probably go insane.
The appeal of being a stay-at-home mom, however, is deceiving. Sure, Music Together and Little Gym are as fun for me as they are for Daniel, but simple attendance isn't enough. As a stay-at-home mom, you must forge relationships with other SAHM's so your brain doesn't turn to mush. Working moms can at least count on a daily dose of adult conversation and child-free time for themselves. My day revolves solely around Daniel. If I didn't make an effort to become friendly with other SAHM's, I'd be devastatingly lonely. Very early on, when Daniel was about 7 weeks old, I ventured back into the real world. I began taking Daniel to Gymboree and joined the MOMS Club of Wissahickon. I met other SAHM's, who then introduced me to their new friends. My new Mommy network was born! I've been extremely lucky to have befriended about a dozen other women who are in situations similar to mine. We all gave up careers to be full-time Mommies, but we depend on each other to maintain our sanity in our child-centric daily lives. These relationships have benefited Daniel, too -- he has plenty of playmates and has learned the art of socialization at a very young age!
While I enjoy the slower pace of my weekends, and Daniel loves the extra time he gets to spend with his Daddy, I am thankful for my weekly routine. By staying busy, I stave off boredom and loneliness. I can truly appreciate how difficult, and satisfying, my job is. My focus is on Daniel from the moment he wakes up to the moment he goes to bed. We play, we read, we run errands, we shop, we attend classes, we participate in playgroups. It's exhausting work, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
The appeal of being a stay-at-home mom, however, is deceiving. Sure, Music Together and Little Gym are as fun for me as they are for Daniel, but simple attendance isn't enough. As a stay-at-home mom, you must forge relationships with other SAHM's so your brain doesn't turn to mush. Working moms can at least count on a daily dose of adult conversation and child-free time for themselves. My day revolves solely around Daniel. If I didn't make an effort to become friendly with other SAHM's, I'd be devastatingly lonely. Very early on, when Daniel was about 7 weeks old, I ventured back into the real world. I began taking Daniel to Gymboree and joined the MOMS Club of Wissahickon. I met other SAHM's, who then introduced me to their new friends. My new Mommy network was born! I've been extremely lucky to have befriended about a dozen other women who are in situations similar to mine. We all gave up careers to be full-time Mommies, but we depend on each other to maintain our sanity in our child-centric daily lives. These relationships have benefited Daniel, too -- he has plenty of playmates and has learned the art of socialization at a very young age!
While I enjoy the slower pace of my weekends, and Daniel loves the extra time he gets to spend with his Daddy, I am thankful for my weekly routine. By staying busy, I stave off boredom and loneliness. I can truly appreciate how difficult, and satisfying, my job is. My focus is on Daniel from the moment he wakes up to the moment he goes to bed. We play, we read, we run errands, we shop, we attend classes, we participate in playgroups. It's exhausting work, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
Friday, January 9, 2009
The Tools of Resistance
As Daniel's vocabulary continues to grow, his ability to ask for what he wants will certainly improve. In the meantime, frustration rules his world. He can point and grunt with the best of them, but I'm not always able to interpret accurately. There have been times at the dinner table when Peter and I have handed him the salt shaker, spatula, and hot sauce -- all before we realized that he simply wanted to hold Ollie's leash. Sometimes Daniel's desired object is one that he should not play around with (wallets, phones, steak knives, etc.). It is at these moments when his stubbornness really begins to emerge.
As most toddlers will do, Daniel reacts in a predictable manner when he doesn't get his way. It's his act of defiance -- he cannot verbally argue his case, but he can misbehave in order to effectively communicate his discontent. In order to illustrate my point, I'll paint a picture of today's lunchtime. Daniel was repeatedly banging his cup against his high chair, so I took it away from him. His response? To sweep his hands across his tray, thereby knocking all of his food onto the floor. I've learned (mostly the hard way) that the best reaction in these situations is to stay calm and ignore his outburst. It usually works. But it doesn't erase the initial act of defiance -- just prevents further damage! I suppose I'm doomed to at least a few more years of "acting out" before Daniel can constructively communicate his needs and desires.
Daniel seems to have an intuitive knowledge of what it takes to get a rise out of me. He knows that it drives me crazy when he throws food on the floor, plays in the dishwasher, drops objects behind his changing table, or grabs his diaper as I'm trying to change him. So this is precisely what he will do if he wants to voice his discontent. Try as I might to emphasize with his frustration at not being able to properly express himself, I'm often sidetracked by my own frustration at Daniel "getting the best of me." It never ceases to amaze me that Daniel can be so adept at evaluating the situation and quickly formulating a plan of attack.
As most toddlers will do, Daniel reacts in a predictable manner when he doesn't get his way. It's his act of defiance -- he cannot verbally argue his case, but he can misbehave in order to effectively communicate his discontent. In order to illustrate my point, I'll paint a picture of today's lunchtime. Daniel was repeatedly banging his cup against his high chair, so I took it away from him. His response? To sweep his hands across his tray, thereby knocking all of his food onto the floor. I've learned (mostly the hard way) that the best reaction in these situations is to stay calm and ignore his outburst. It usually works. But it doesn't erase the initial act of defiance -- just prevents further damage! I suppose I'm doomed to at least a few more years of "acting out" before Daniel can constructively communicate his needs and desires.
Daniel seems to have an intuitive knowledge of what it takes to get a rise out of me. He knows that it drives me crazy when he throws food on the floor, plays in the dishwasher, drops objects behind his changing table, or grabs his diaper as I'm trying to change him. So this is precisely what he will do if he wants to voice his discontent. Try as I might to emphasize with his frustration at not being able to properly express himself, I'm often sidetracked by my own frustration at Daniel "getting the best of me." It never ceases to amaze me that Daniel can be so adept at evaluating the situation and quickly formulating a plan of attack.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
School Days
Today I began to explore the idea of sending Daniel to preschool in the fall. He'll turn 2 in June, and September seems like the right time to get him started on a path of academic excellence. Just kidding...sort of. I think it's important for him to begin socializing with other children in his peer group, without Mommy there to guide him. As difficult as it is for me to think about leaving him (even if it is just two days a week, for half the day), I know that playtime with Mommy will not fulfill his cognitive and social development forever. I want him to gain the self-confidence that comes with participating in activities without me by his side. I want him to grow more comfortable with other adults. Most importantly, I want him to have an enriching experience that will propel him into the world of Kindergarten and beyond, armed with the skills he'll need to be successful.
My plan is to send him to a local synagogue for preschool. I didn't attend a Jewish preschool, but my brothers did. I remember them in photographs, with their button-down shirts and ginormous backpacks, excited to learn about their heritage and the traditions that make Judaism so special. I think about Daniel being chosen someday as the Shabbat Child, being given the honor of saying the blessings and carrying the Torah in front of his fellow preschoolers. I can't wait until he hands me homemade holiday projects to display around the house. I can't wait for him to truly understand what it means to be Jewish, and I hope his experience is as unique as those who have come before him.
I have an appointment to check out TBI preschool in a couple of weeks. I'll get to observe a 2-year-old class, and even stay for the weekly Shabbat celebration. Come September, Daniel will begin a wonderful journey. I'll probably cry like a baby. But I have 9 months to prepare myself for that.
My plan is to send him to a local synagogue for preschool. I didn't attend a Jewish preschool, but my brothers did. I remember them in photographs, with their button-down shirts and ginormous backpacks, excited to learn about their heritage and the traditions that make Judaism so special. I think about Daniel being chosen someday as the Shabbat Child, being given the honor of saying the blessings and carrying the Torah in front of his fellow preschoolers. I can't wait until he hands me homemade holiday projects to display around the house. I can't wait for him to truly understand what it means to be Jewish, and I hope his experience is as unique as those who have come before him.
I have an appointment to check out TBI preschool in a couple of weeks. I'll get to observe a 2-year-old class, and even stay for the weekly Shabbat celebration. Come September, Daniel will begin a wonderful journey. I'll probably cry like a baby. But I have 9 months to prepare myself for that.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
A New Perspective
Today we took Daniel to the King of Prussia mall. After brunch at the Cheesecake Factory, we decided to spend some time wandering around the Court. This served two purposes: we could walk off some of our heavy meal, and Daniel could stretch his legs and move around. Typically, when I take Daniel to the mall, he rides in his umbrella stroller. It allows me to complete my shopping agenda more quickly, and saves me the trouble of having to chase Daniel in and out of stores as he runs around like a monkey in a banana factory! But today was different. With both Mommy and Daddy to keep an eye on him, Daniel was permitted to walk on his own -- stroller free! He was completely awe-struck. He didn't know what to look at first. You wouldn't think the view would be that much different than the one from the comfort of his stroller, but I could tell that this was a new experience for him.
One of the highlights of Daniel's stroll around the mall was the giant Christmas display (still up on January 4th, mind you). There was an enormously tall pine tree, decorated with rocking horses, toy soldiers, and child-sized trains. The piped-in music made the display really come to life. Daniel approached the tree with a mixture of hesitation and amazement. He gazed up at the life-sized toys and swayed along with the music. It was like nothing he had ever seen before (certainly not in our house)!
Once we coerced Daniel away from the Christmas display, he continued to find objects of interest everywhere. He pointed to plants, lights, kiosks, even benches and trash cans. It was like he wanted to make sure we didn't miss anything! He even got to ride on the escalator a couple of times (with Peter standing behind him, holding both of his hands -- don't worry). He laughed every time he stepped on or off the moving staircase. At one point, I commented, "Isn't this a fun ride?" Peter responded, "Yes -- You don't have to wait in line and it's free!" That pretty much summed up our morning at the mall. No bells and whistles, no museum exhibits, no real plans -- just the three of us, strolling around on a Sunday morning. We had nowhere to be but together.
One of the highlights of Daniel's stroll around the mall was the giant Christmas display (still up on January 4th, mind you). There was an enormously tall pine tree, decorated with rocking horses, toy soldiers, and child-sized trains. The piped-in music made the display really come to life. Daniel approached the tree with a mixture of hesitation and amazement. He gazed up at the life-sized toys and swayed along with the music. It was like nothing he had ever seen before (certainly not in our house)!
Once we coerced Daniel away from the Christmas display, he continued to find objects of interest everywhere. He pointed to plants, lights, kiosks, even benches and trash cans. It was like he wanted to make sure we didn't miss anything! He even got to ride on the escalator a couple of times (with Peter standing behind him, holding both of his hands -- don't worry). He laughed every time he stepped on or off the moving staircase. At one point, I commented, "Isn't this a fun ride?" Peter responded, "Yes -- You don't have to wait in line and it's free!" That pretty much summed up our morning at the mall. No bells and whistles, no museum exhibits, no real plans -- just the three of us, strolling around on a Sunday morning. We had nowhere to be but together.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
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