The Tools of Resistance

As Daniel's vocabulary continues to grow, his ability to ask for what he wants will certainly improve. In the meantime, frustration rules his world. He can point and grunt with the best of them, but I'm not always able to interpret accurately. There have been times at the dinner table when Peter and I have handed him the salt shaker, spatula, and hot sauce -- all before we realized that he simply wanted to hold Ollie's leash. Sometimes Daniel's desired object is one that he should not play around with (wallets, phones, steak knives, etc.). It is at these moments when his stubbornness really begins to emerge.

As most toddlers will do, Daniel reacts in a predictable manner when he doesn't get his way. It's his act of defiance -- he cannot verbally argue his case, but he can misbehave in order to effectively communicate his discontent. In order to illustrate my point, I'll paint a picture of today's lunchtime. Daniel was repeatedly banging his cup against his high chair, so I took it away from him. His response? To sweep his hands across his tray, thereby knocking all of his food onto the floor. I've learned (mostly the hard way) that the best reaction in these situations is to stay calm and ignore his outburst. It usually works. But it doesn't erase the initial act of defiance -- just prevents further damage! I suppose I'm doomed to at least a few more years of "acting out" before Daniel can constructively communicate his needs and desires.

Daniel seems to have an intuitive knowledge of what it takes to get a rise out of me. He knows that it drives me crazy when he throws food on the floor, plays in the dishwasher, drops objects behind his changing table, or grabs his diaper as I'm trying to change him. So this is precisely what he will do if he wants to voice his discontent. Try as I might to emphasize with his frustration at not being able to properly express himself, I'm often sidetracked by my own frustration at Daniel "getting the best of me." It never ceases to amaze me that Daniel can be so adept at evaluating the situation and quickly formulating a plan of attack.