Vacation: The Not-So-Guilty Truth

Peter and I just returned from an adults-only trip to St. John. While we were away, Daniel stayed a couple of days with each set of grandparents. We had left him for multiple days once before, when he was about 6 months old. Back then, the instructions were easy: Give him 6 bottles of formula a day, put him to sleep on his stomach (doctor's orders), and try to feed him some rice cereal if you're feeling adventurous. A year later, he's a more complex little guy. The rituals are more detailed, and there's way more jumping through hoops to get him to cooperate. Despite the increased amount of responsibility involved in watching a mobile and curious toddler, however, I wasn't worried that the grandparents would have a tough time with Daniel. Rather, I was concerned that I wouldn't be able to stop missing him long enough to enjoy myself while on vacation!

The island of St. John is a very kid-friendly place. The dress code is casual, and every restaurant has a child's menu. There were many families staying at our hotel -- the kids frolicked on the beach and in the pool, and their parents pushed the little ones around in their jogging strollers. They seemed to have the best of both worlds: They were on vacation in beautiful St. John, but they also had their children with them. I would always feel a twinge of guilt when I saw these families together. Was it unfair to leave Daniel at home while we embarked on a getaway? Should we have included him in our vacation plans? Was I being selfish to desire some time to myself? I can honestly say, now that I am home and able to reflect on the 5 glorious days we spent away from Daniel, that the answer is NO. And I'm not embarrassed to explain why.

I'm always wary of people who boast that they've never been away from their children, not even for one night. I, for one, was unaware that there was a contest. Are the children of these "super-parents" really better off for never having been left with a babysitter while their parents enjoy some much-deserved alone time? I believe that Daniel is a flexible, easy-going child precisely because I have taken time for myself on occasion. If I didn't, I'd be a lot more stressed and exhausted. How would that make me a better mother? I needed this vacation. I had been feeling burnt out recently, and I was craving a break from the fast-paced routine of everyday life. Being alone in St. John allowed me to sit back and relax, and take time to do the frivolous things I enjoy: read chick-lit, exercise, daydream, and eat delicious food. There were no feeding times, no nap times. I didn't have to worry about getting back from dinner in time for Daniel to go to bed. I was able to enjoy a particular brand of freedom that I no longer take for granted (since I rarely get to experience it!).

Sure, I missed Daniel. I couldn't wait to see him and give him a big hug and kiss. Our reunion was sweet, and I still haven't come down from the high two days later. Peter and I look forward to many family vacations in the future. We can't wait to travel with our children, to make the memories that last forever. But we're proud of ourselves for recognizing the importance of an adults-only vacation now and again, if for no other reason than to reaffirm how much we adore our little guy.