Testing, Testing -- One, Two, Three

Daniel seems to be at an age where he is keenly aware of the difference between right and wrong. I'm not saying that he understands subtle questions of morality, but rather that he knows he shouldn't be pulling knives out of the dishwasher. Lately, he has been demonstrating behavior that can only be explained as a way to "test" my reaction to it. For example, he'll take a piece of food off the tray of his high chair and hold it over the side, almost daring me to stop him from dropping it on the floor. He knows this is unacceptable behavior, as evidenced by the "look" he gives me immediately before he drops the food. What I'm beginning to discover is that my reaction directly affects the outcome of the situation (duh, psychology 101, I know). If I sternly say, "No!" he usually hesitates for a moment before letting it go. But 9 times out of 10, he WILL let it go. If I sneak glances at him out of the corner of my eye, making him think I'm ignoring him and that I couldn't care less what he does with his food, he usually rethinks his actions and shoves the food in his mouth instead. All he wants is attention, good or bad. After having been a teacher for 7 years, you'd think I'd have figured this out a lot sooner. It's the classic "acting out" defense. Doing the wrong thing almost always gets the grownup's attention. Thus, knives pulled out of the dishwasher and food dropped on the floor.

I have been combating this misbehavior through a combination of ignoring it, as I mentioned, and by praising Daniel for good behavior. I can often be heard saying, "You are eating so beautifully!" or "Thank you for playing so nicely with your toys!" These super-positive statements may sound patronizing to a third grader, but not to an 18-month-old. The more positive attention I give to Daniel, the less he'll have to rely on behaviors like dumping Ollie's food onto the floor or tearing apart the TV Guide. He's figuring out what he can get away with, and what warrants a scolding. The hard part for me is drawing the line between teaching him what behaviors are unacceptable, and just letting him be a toddler without losing my mind.