On His Own

With the arrival of summer comes the frequently asked question, "Are you sending Daniel to camp?" Yes, I am. He'll be attending an 8-week program at the synagogue where he'll start preschool in the fall. Camp will take place three mornings a week, from 9 to 12. The synagogue is exactly three minutes from our house. And I still can't bear the thought of my baby boy going out into the "real" world without me by his side. On the eve (well, actually, about 2 weeks shy) of his 2nd birthday, Daniel is growing more independent by the day. This maturation process will culminate in his attending summer camp on his own -- without Mommy hovering nearby to guide him and protect him every step of the way.

It's not that I worry about separation anxiety. Daniel has never been much of a crier when it comes to being separated from me. Whether he does or doesn't cry those first few days of me leaving him at camp...well, we'll just have to wait and see. One thing is for certain: I'll cry enough for the both of us. More upsetting than the thought of him being sad and missing me is the emotional significance of this coming-of-age milestone. Once I take that step and send him to camp and preschool on his own, there's no turning back. Three-day-a-week preschool is followed by five-day-a-week preschool, which is followed by kindergarten, then grade school, then college, then...holy crap, my eyes well up just thinking about it.

I guess it's only natural for me to worry about how he'll get along without me. Will he play with the other children? Will the teachers understand his attempts to communicate? Will he feel the same amount of comfort and attention that he receives at home? I'm sure there will be an adjustment period, but then he'll look forward to each day with a big smile. Maybe the real question is: How will I get along without him?