I'm Back, Baby!

I turned 33 yesterday. Aside from the chronological milestone, I celebrated just having survived the hardest two weeks of my life. I grieved, I got angry, I accepted the reality of my situation...and, in the end, I learned something about myself. I am a resilient person -- I've endured a lot of hardship over the past 8 years, and I've survived. My most recent challenge has taught me that being a mother means having to hold it together even when you feel like you're falling apart. Daniel is 2 and a half. He doesn't understand what it means to have a bad day. He has (blessedly) remained sheltered from life's cruelties. The last thing I want is for him to grow up with memories of a childhood punctuated by his Mom feeling sad and defeated all the time. It is my responsibility to pass on my resilience to him. To teach him that he can stand up to the forces that fight to keep him down. I want him to be proud of the person I am. To admire what I've lived through. If that means putting aside my own needs and wants in order to be more present in his life, I will do it. I am a mother, and that is what we do.

Mothers survive because their children need them. Their children need to feel safe, need to know that Mom will always be there. Mothers sacrifice so much of themselves because they have chosen to put another person's well-being before their own. These past couple of weeks, I've learned that not only am I capable of making this sacrifice, but I am happy to do it. I've raised an amazing little boy. Sometimes I don't give myself enough credit. One thing I'm sure of: He needs me to continue showing him what it means to be a happy, content person. Even on days when I struggle with this myself, I need to be strong for Daniel. That is my job.