Tomorrow is a big day for me and my family. It marks the culmination of a journey that started almost 2 years ago. Two lost pregnancies and one failed IVF cycle later, and this is it. What's at stake is whether or not I'll ever give Daniel a biological sibling. I'm ready to move on with my life. Living in this state of suspended reality has taken its toll on my emotional and physical health, as well as the overall well-being of my family. I am not unaware of what these test results mean to them. They have suffered with me for 2 years, feeling my pain and heartache. My amazing son, Daniel, has seen his Mommy in various stages of grief far too many times. I've been the bearer of bad news FAR too many times. I want SO BADLY to have good news to share with my Mom and Dad, who have repeatedly rushed to my side in times of great sadness. They deserve good news. My husband deserves good news, for enduring this painful journey with me. So whether or not I deserve it, I'm praying tonight that tomorrow brings good news FOR THEM. That we can gather as a family to celebrate, rather than to hold one another up.
That being said, whatever happens I know that I will stay strong for my son, my husband, and my family. I will move on and figure things out one day at a time. I know how lucky I am to have my health, a beautiful child, a lovely home, an amazing support system. I will never take any of that for granted. I accept tomorrow's outcome, whatever it may be. I am or I'm not. Either way, the world will keep spinning. Everyone's lives will continue. There will be more good times and more bad.
Right now, I sit here and feel a sense of calmness wash over me. Peace, love, light, and gratitude. I'm going to be okay.
1 comment:
Prayers Stef!
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