A Vacation from the Routine

Daniel returned home today after two days at his grandparents' house. We took Daniel over to Mimi and Pops' house on Sunday night. When it was time to leave, we showered him with kisses and "I love you's". He began to suspect that something was going on, so Uncle David and Aunt Chandra distracted him while Peter and I crept out the door. Apparently, he never noticed we were gone. For the next day and a half, we were childless. Monday was filled with doctors appointments and bed rest, so we hardly had time to miss Daniel. It didn't really strike me that he wasn't here until this morning, when my normal routine was thrown for a loop.

First of all, I slept until 7:30. That's my version of sleeping in! Instead of rushing to eat breakfast before Daniel awoke, I took my time. I was able to linger over a magazine as I ate my cereal, not needing to strain my ears to hear the tiniest peep from Daniel's room. I could make as much noise as I wanted to. Not like I was throwing dishes around, but I definitely didn't have to tiptoe. The rest of my morning was wide open. I found myself accomplishing tasks that normally get tossed to the side when Daniel is the focus of my day: I emptied the dishwasher, made the bed, organized part of Daniel's closet, and even hung a picture that had been lying on my dining room table for months. Who's worried about a little hammering when there's no 2-year-old around?

Despite all these "tasks" that I found myself doing, I realized just how limitless my free time actually was. I thought to myself, "How in the world did I fill my days before becoming a Mommy?" Full-time job aside, I'm sure I had loads of free time on my hands. And I'm sure I wasted much of it. When you first become a parent, you mourn the loss of this free time. But as you settle into parenthood and all of its ups and downs, you realize that your definition of free time changes radically. Today, as I paced around my house with nothing but free time, I ached for my little boy and longed to hear his infectious laugh. I couldn't wait to fill the rest of my day with being a Mommy. And once Daniel was home, playing with his trains and chasing Ollie around the kitchen, it was like he had never left. I felt much more at ease.

Adjustment Period

Daniel has almost completed his second full week of school. It was wonderful to get back into a regular routine...at least for 3 days a week! Our school mornings go something like this: I wake Daniel at 8:00 (he's usually talking and playing in his crib by then) and get him dressed. We go downstairs and he drinks milk from a sippy cup while sitting in his mini-armchair and watching either Sesame Street or Thomas & Friends. What a life! I make his breakfast and generally scurry about like a crazy person. He eats at 8:30 and plays until it's time to leave. We pull out of the driveway at 8:55 and get to school by 9:00. It couldn't be more convenient.

I think Daniel is still adjusting to the drop-off procedures, since they are so different from camp. He clings to me as I walk him into his classroom, and I try to distract him by pointing out his friends or a cool toy. I can't bring myself to leave without saying goodbye, but this is what usually sparks tears. When he realizes that I'm not staying, he whimpers, "Mommy!" and starts to cry. One of his teachers will undoubtedly embrace him as I walk out of the room, my heart aching. I wonder if a mother ever gets to the point where she's not distraught over the sound of her child in distress.

When I arrive at noon to pick him up, his class is lined up in the hallway. He sits with his backpack, blissfully unaware of my presence. This is my favorite moment of the day. I get a rare glimpse into his state of being, independent of me. When he spots me, his face lights up. I wave furiously and smile. Today, he shouted, "Mommy!" and ran towards me with his backpack flopping behind him. I scooped him up in my arms and gave him a big kiss. We said goodbye to Miss Margie, and Daniel blew her a kiss. He's such a sweet, loving child. I know that he'll be tear-free within a couple of weeks.

The New Swingset

We gave in and purchased a swingset for the backyard. While there are many playgrounds within a short distance from our house, there's nothing quite like being able to run out your own back door and play for as long as you like. And we got a really good end-of-season deal. I'm not kidding. If you're thinking about buying a swingset, September is the time to do it. They are practically giving these things away!

I knew Daniel would enjoy many hours of fun on the swingset, but I assumed it would take him some time to warm up to the various features (rock wall, monkey bars, etc.) Boy, was I wrong. The first thing he did when he saw the swingset was to expertly scale the rock wall. I have no idea where he learned to climb like that, but clearly he has no fear.

We hung out in the clubhouse for a little while, and Daniel tried out his "binoculars" and steering wheel (where he's supposed to be driving the swingset, I have no idea). I was as giddy as he was, because as a child I always wanted a cozy clubhouse or treehouse of my own. In fact, I think I might be just a tiny bit more excited about it right now than Daniel is. But isn't that why parents buy these things for their children?

I can't wait to spend more time with Daniel in our own backyard, swinging high enough for our feet to touch the sky, eating lunch at the built-in picnic table, and playing make-believe in the clubhouse until the sun goes down. Did I mention how excited I was?

First Day of Preschool!

Today was the big day. Daniel started preschool for the first time, and I cut the strings just a little bit more. The morning went well, with Daniel waking up in a sunny mood and eating almost all of his breakfast. When I tried to take "first day" photos of him, he wasn't exactly cooperative, but I managed to snap this gem you see to the left. This backpack is a lot smaller than his camp backpack was, but it's still bigger than him!

I walked him into his classroom, where he was greeted by his teachers (Miss Margie and Miss Sandy). I tried to show him where his "cubby" was located, but he literally dropped his backpack to the floor and immediately commenced playing. He didn't know what to look at first, strolling from one part of the room to another, stopping only to pick up a stuffed sun toy and proclaim, "Sunny!" Yes, my little boy is ready for school.

I hung around for a couple of minutes, trying to sneak more photos, but Daniel was moving too fast. He couldn't stop playing long enough to smile and say, "Cheese!" I knew it was time for me to leave. I said goodbye to Daniel, and he got very upset. He cried, "Mommy! Mommy!" and burst into tears. Miss Margie picked him up and hugged him, carrying him over to an activity on the other side of the room. I swallowed the lump in my throat, turned around, and walked out the door.

When I arrived at noon to pick him up, Daniel was all smiles. He was happy to see me, and the teacher said he had a great first day. I'm sure there will be more tears before he gets acclimated to the new routine, but I think we're off to a good start!

Reflecting on a New World...and a New Me

Yeah, yeah, I know I'm getting a little carried away with all of this "reflection" nonsense. My baby boy is starting preschool tomorrow. I'm entering a period of uncertainty -- which could end quite badly or turn out to be the best thing that's ever happened to me. My world is in flux, and this recent anniversary of the terrorist attacks on September 11th, 2001, have left me contemplating how much I've lived through since that fateful day 8 years ago. Everyone's world has changed since September 11th, 2001, but my world has been irrevocably turned upside-down...in many wonderful and terrible ways. Below, a chronology:

On December 31st, 2001, I suffered a stroke while on vacation with friends in Las Vegas. I spent a week in the Vegas ICU, flew home to Philadelphia via "air ambulance," and continued to recover at Jefferson Hospital and Magee Rehabilitation. I was diagnosed with antiphospholipid antibody syndrome, a blood clotting disorder. I have taken Coumadin ever since, and I probably will for the rest of my life.

In late November, 2002, I met Peter. After a few dates, I knew he was the man I was going to marry. Not only did we share similar upbringings and interests, but I felt for the first time in my life that I could totally be myself when I was with him. He became my best friend and my companion. We bought a house together in early February of 2004, got engaged on Valentines Day, and married on April 16th, 2005.

Peter and I moved into a single-family home in July 2006, and I became pregnant that October. Because of my medical history, I was considered a "high-risk" patient. Instead of Coumadin, I had to inject myself twice a day with Lovenox (a safer blood thinner). I was under the care of maternal fetal medicine at Jefferson Hospital, and my pregnancy went rather smoothly. Though I went into labor almost a month early, I delivered a healthy baby boy on June 13, 2007. Daniel Adam Somerman, the love of my life, was born into this world. What a lucky world!

I gave up my teaching career to be a stay-at-home mom with Daniel, and I have never looked back. I am so fortunate to have the ability to focus all of my time and energy on him -- something many mothers can only dream of. He is truly my pride and joy, and he has brought me more happiness than I ever thought possible.

This past year has once again been a tough one for me. I lost a pregnancy in May, when I was already quite far along. As heartbreaking as that experience has been, I feel so lucky to have Peter and Daniel to see me through the tough times (which still pop up every now and then). I am hoping to give Daniel a sibling in the near future, but instead of dwelling on what I've lost I'm trying to focus on how remarkable a life I've lived over the past 8 years. Most people don't experience in their lifetimes what I've been through between the ages of 24 and 32. This has undoubtedly made me a stronger person. I have had my share of blessings and heartache. But this is who I am at this moment in time. And while I can't say that I'm happy about some of the things that have happened to me, I don't necessarily wish I could go back in time and change history. I have always believed, and will continue to believe, that everything happens the way it is supposed to. I know, deep down, that I will look back on this time and say, "I'm glad it happened this way."

End-of-Summer Reflection

June 13th, 2009. Daniel turns 2 years old. We take him to Storybook Land for an afternoon of rides on toddler-friendly trains and antique go-carts. He throws a fit when we try to put him on the monster truck ride, and we give up after some fruitless coaxing.

September 6th, 2009. We return to Storybook Land with our 27-month-old. Not only does he eagerly climb into the monster truck, but he demands, "Again!" when the ride is over. He enjoys the ride a second time, furiously turning the steering wheel and adding his own sound effects.

This is just one small example of how much Daniel has grown and changed this summer. Gone is the toddler who sat calmly in his high chair during meals, who kept himself occupied while waiting for his food at a restaurant, and who spoke only a handful of words (most notably, "NO!"). He has metamorphosed into a spunky little man. He loves jazz (especially horns), eats on the run (literally), recites lines from books by heart, and speaks practically in complete sentences (just this morning, upon being woken up: "Mimi, go away!"). The change is frustrating at times, delightful at other times, but always phenomenally fascinating.

As Daniel's first day of preschool approaches, I reflect back on the defining moments he experienced this summer:
1. Going to camp for 8 weeks: He may have started the summer as a teary little boy screaming for his "Mommy!" but he finished his stint at camp as a sociable and resilient child who played well with others and blew kisses to his counselors every day at pick-up.
2. Our trip to Hershey: This was Daniel's most challenging, yet most satisfying, amusement park experience. He braved the crowds and the heat and kept his wits about him for two straight days. And he didn't even require a stroller! Mommy and Daddy could learn from his perseverance!
3. Returning to the Ocean City amusements during Labor Day weekend (our first visit had been Memorial Day): Yes, he devoured his pizza at Mack 'n Manco's. Yes, he accompanied us on the big ferris wheel without complaint. But when he rode the fire trucks by himself, excitedly ringing the bell, I was more proud of him than ever. He stepped out from under my wing, took a chance, and loved every minute of it. As parents, can we really hope for anything more from our children?

I expect these next couple of months to bring about even more growth and change in Daniel, as he starts school and begins to really experience the world separate from me (camp being kind of a trial run). I'll miss my dependant little boy, but I'm eager to witness the emergence of my independent young man.