Daniel has never really had an issue with separation anxiety. While he may be initially shy with strangers, he quickly warms up to them and thoroughly enjoys the attention that comes with being 2-years-old. Until recently, Daniel hadn't ever really cried when we'd left him (the beginning of camp and then school being the exception). Which is why this latest phase of his has gotten me all worked up.
He has grown, more and more over the past couple of weeks, increasingly attached to me. What started out as an isolated incident of insisting to be carried everywhere has become a full-blown case of the "clingies." Not only does Daniel want to sit next to me wherever we may be, he wants to sit on top of me, behind me, and even draped around me. He can often be heard pleading, "Mommy, come!" while I'm sitting just across the table from him. Peter even joked that Daniel would crawl back into the womb if he could (which was really only funny because Daniel so clearly takes after his Daddy in this regard). Perhaps this behavior is commonplace for other Mommies out there. But I've made it to 32 months without anything like this from Daniel in the past. So, why now? What has changed? And, most importantly, how do I handle it?
As a teacher, I would probably have handled the situation by using good old positive reinforcement. If a student was using negative behaviors to elicit my attention, I would make a point to notice that student's positive behaviors throughout the day and make a big deal of it. The idea is that the student would eventually realize that his or her positive behavior was a more efficient means to an end, thereby eliminating the "acting out" for attention's sake. When it's your own child doing the acting out, things are different. You feel compelled to differentiate between right and wrong, while simultaneously affirming your child's self-esteem and communicating your unconditional love. Sounds like an uphill battle, right?
I am curious (just a little bit) to see how far Daniel takes this whole hyper-attachment phase. Is he acting this way because we're on vacation from our regular routine? Will he regain his independence once we return home from Florida and he goes back to school 3 days a week? Or am I forced to face this challenge head-on, with nothing but my motherly instincts to protect me from this most formidable opponent?
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
Hard to Explain
This past week, I found myself in a public bathroom stall with Daniel. This was not the first time, of course, but the conversation had never before unfolded like this: I sat on the commode and Daniel stood by the door, intensely staring between my legs. First I thought he might be looking at my underwear ("Mommy no wear diaper?"). So I asked him what he was looking at, and he responded (without missing a beat), "Penis?"
I'll pause for a moment here and explain that we are very open in my house. Daniel has seen both parents naked, and he regularly accompanies us to the bathroom. He is also very much aware of his own genitalia (see "A Perplexing Bathtime"). Therefore, it wasn't his use of the word that had me a bit flummoxed. It was the impact that my answer would have on his current and future perception of sexuality and gender roles. Just kidding...I thought it was pretty damn funny!
In a sympathetic voice, I responded, "No, Daniel, Mommy doesn't have a penis. Only boys and daddies have penises. Mommies don't have penises." (Though many of us DO have some seriously brass balls.) He didn't seem concerned, although he didn't necessarily stop staring as I wiped and flushed the toilet. I'm sure the issue will come up again as he continues to learn more about the world around him. I expect that he will, at some point in the distant future, learn the word "vagina" (and giggle like an idiot every time he hears it, as all adolescent boys are programmed to do). I'm proud that he knows the correct anatomical term for his "private" area. There are no wee-wees in my house.
I'll pause for a moment here and explain that we are very open in my house. Daniel has seen both parents naked, and he regularly accompanies us to the bathroom. He is also very much aware of his own genitalia (see "A Perplexing Bathtime"). Therefore, it wasn't his use of the word that had me a bit flummoxed. It was the impact that my answer would have on his current and future perception of sexuality and gender roles. Just kidding...I thought it was pretty damn funny!
In a sympathetic voice, I responded, "No, Daniel, Mommy doesn't have a penis. Only boys and daddies have penises. Mommies don't have penises." (Though many of us DO have some seriously brass balls.) He didn't seem concerned, although he didn't necessarily stop staring as I wiped and flushed the toilet. I'm sure the issue will come up again as he continues to learn more about the world around him. I expect that he will, at some point in the distant future, learn the word "vagina" (and giggle like an idiot every time he hears it, as all adolescent boys are programmed to do). I'm proud that he knows the correct anatomical term for his "private" area. There are no wee-wees in my house.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
An Ever-Expanding Palate
Today we took Daniel to the King of Prussia mall. Aside from riding the escalator about a dozen times, he got to play a cool Lego computer game at the Apple store AND throw a bunch of pennies into the fountain. It was a big day. We wrapped up our mall outing with lunch at the Nordstrom cafe. I like taking Daniel there because it's pretty mellow (nothing like the insanity of a food court) and very kid-friendly. I ordered him mac and cheese off the kids' menu because I figured it would be a little bit better than your typical kids' menu mac and cheese. I even said out loud, "It will probably have real cheese!" Not that Daniel would know the difference.
While we waited for our meals to arrive, Daniel took turns sampling both Peter's Manhattan clam chowder and my tomato basil soup. He pretty much hijacked our bowls and hogged them in his corner of the table. My little moocher! Every time he slurped some soup off the spoon, he would nod vigorously and say, "Good!" We both tried in vain to get our soups back, with limited success. He did allow me to dip some bread into my soup and eat it that way, but he wasn't giving up that spoon. I'm almost glad he ate as much soup as he did because when his mac and cheese showed up, it was unmistakably of the Kraft variety. Shame on you, Nordstrom! He did eat some of it, but he definitely preferred the soup!
This evening, we went to a local Japanese restaurant where they prepare a nice little Bento box for kids. After stealing Peter's miso soup and downing the entire bowl (tofu and all -- Daddy was forced to order another bowl for himself), Daniel feasted on crabstick, sticky rice, and chicken- and-various-vegetables tempura. He even ate a piece of grapefruit for dessert! I was impressed. Not only was the quantity of food larger than usual, but the variety was astounding. It proves that even the most ardent pizza and french fries fan needs a little change now and then.
While we waited for our meals to arrive, Daniel took turns sampling both Peter's Manhattan clam chowder and my tomato basil soup. He pretty much hijacked our bowls and hogged them in his corner of the table. My little moocher! Every time he slurped some soup off the spoon, he would nod vigorously and say, "Good!" We both tried in vain to get our soups back, with limited success. He did allow me to dip some bread into my soup and eat it that way, but he wasn't giving up that spoon. I'm almost glad he ate as much soup as he did because when his mac and cheese showed up, it was unmistakably of the Kraft variety. Shame on you, Nordstrom! He did eat some of it, but he definitely preferred the soup!
This evening, we went to a local Japanese restaurant where they prepare a nice little Bento box for kids. After stealing Peter's miso soup and downing the entire bowl (tofu and all -- Daddy was forced to order another bowl for himself), Daniel feasted on crabstick, sticky rice, and chicken- and-various-vegetables tempura. He even ate a piece of grapefruit for dessert! I was impressed. Not only was the quantity of food larger than usual, but the variety was astounding. It proves that even the most ardent pizza and french fries fan needs a little change now and then.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Last Posting of 2009!
December is a month filled with many time-honored traditions: holiday gatherings (aka too much eating and drinking), lists of resolutions for the new year ahead, and, according to People and Entertainment Weekly, retrospectives on the year just passed. While I was reading one of these "What happened/Who died/Who split-up" year-end issues, I decided to compose a little retrospective of my own. Although 2009 was not such a great year (read: crappy) for me and my family, I thought I'd take a look back on Daniel's year and all that he's experienced and accomplished in those 12 months. Here we go...
January 2009 held so much promise. My little boy was 18 months old and growing by leaps and bounds. We visited the synagogue that would eventually become his camp and preschool, and fell in love with the intimacy of such a warm and caring community. At the end of the month, we left for our extended stay in Florida.
We spent much of February in Boca Raton with my parents. Daniel enjoyed trips to the Palm Beach Zoo and the Children's Museum, and we even managed a couple pool days (despite chilly February temperatures). Daniel's favorite activity was to look out the kitchen window at the cranes on the back lawn and yell, "Cock! Cock! Cock!"
March brought us back home to Philadelphia, where Daniel continued Little Gym, Forever Making Music, and Mommy & Me at Beth Or. In April, we enjoyed the transition to warmer weather and more time on the playground.
May was a terrible month. If you still don't know why, don't worry about it. We're all focusing on moving forward. The best part about a new year is leaving all of the crap from last year behind. So long, May 2009, don't let the door hit you in the ass!
June was a sort of "rebirth" for all of us. Daniel turned 2 with a family party in Longport, NJ. He started camp the following week. It was a little bit rough at first, as he would scream and cry when I dropped him off in the morning, but within 2 weeks he was happy as a clam! His camp counselor told me that he was having a blast with the other kids, and I noticed his vocabulary start to explode. He was talking a blue streak!
July was characterized by many weekend trips down the Shore. As soon as we crossed the Somers Point bridge, Daniel would start to ask for "Mimi and Pops." He loved these laid-back weekends spent with his Daddy's family, riding his tricycle around the block to go look at the boats on the bay. We took him to the Ocean City amusements and to Storybookland. By the end of the summer, Daniel went on a ride by himself for the very first time!
August marked the end of camp (boo-hoo!) as well as the end of the Shore season. We snuck in as many trips to the beach and playground as we could manage. Daniel loved to stand in the driveway of the shore house and fill up his inflatable pool with water from the garden hose. He never actually got into the pool, but he asked for the hose constantly!
In September, Daniel started preschool (Hallelujah!). He adjusted almost immediately to this new experience. Many of his camp friends were in his class, and the teachers couldn't have been any more caring or compassionate. On days when he wasn't at school, Daniel returned to Little Gym and music class. By the end of the month, he was staying at school until 1:00 for lunch.
October took us to many local farms and pumpkin patches. Daniel loved the hayrides (well, really just the tractors that pulled them) and made me chase him through many a cornstalk maze. Halloween was a blast. Daniel dressed as Bob the Builder and trick-or-treated around our entire cul-de-sac! Despite my efforts to influence his candy choices, he seemed most interested in the lollipops. I gotta work on him for next year.
By November, Daniel was talking in pseudo-complete sentences. He was singing songs and playing along on his multiple musical instruments. Daddy brought home an old drum kit and set up shop in our dining room, where Daniel has spent many a morning/afternoon/evening banging away. Don't get me wrong -- the kid has rhythm! He seems to be a natural.
December has flown by, and here we are on the eve of the last day of 2009 (Hallelujah!). My gorgeous little boy is now 2 and a half years old. He loves school. He's curious and intuitive. Best of all, he's sweet and loving. I can't wait to see what he accomplishes in 2010!
January 2009 held so much promise. My little boy was 18 months old and growing by leaps and bounds. We visited the synagogue that would eventually become his camp and preschool, and fell in love with the intimacy of such a warm and caring community. At the end of the month, we left for our extended stay in Florida.
We spent much of February in Boca Raton with my parents. Daniel enjoyed trips to the Palm Beach Zoo and the Children's Museum, and we even managed a couple pool days (despite chilly February temperatures). Daniel's favorite activity was to look out the kitchen window at the cranes on the back lawn and yell, "Cock! Cock! Cock!"
March brought us back home to Philadelphia, where Daniel continued Little Gym, Forever Making Music, and Mommy & Me at Beth Or. In April, we enjoyed the transition to warmer weather and more time on the playground.
May was a terrible month. If you still don't know why, don't worry about it. We're all focusing on moving forward. The best part about a new year is leaving all of the crap from last year behind. So long, May 2009, don't let the door hit you in the ass!
June was a sort of "rebirth" for all of us. Daniel turned 2 with a family party in Longport, NJ. He started camp the following week. It was a little bit rough at first, as he would scream and cry when I dropped him off in the morning, but within 2 weeks he was happy as a clam! His camp counselor told me that he was having a blast with the other kids, and I noticed his vocabulary start to explode. He was talking a blue streak!
July was characterized by many weekend trips down the Shore. As soon as we crossed the Somers Point bridge, Daniel would start to ask for "Mimi and Pops." He loved these laid-back weekends spent with his Daddy's family, riding his tricycle around the block to go look at the boats on the bay. We took him to the Ocean City amusements and to Storybookland. By the end of the summer, Daniel went on a ride by himself for the very first time!
August marked the end of camp (boo-hoo!) as well as the end of the Shore season. We snuck in as many trips to the beach and playground as we could manage. Daniel loved to stand in the driveway of the shore house and fill up his inflatable pool with water from the garden hose. He never actually got into the pool, but he asked for the hose constantly!
In September, Daniel started preschool (Hallelujah!). He adjusted almost immediately to this new experience. Many of his camp friends were in his class, and the teachers couldn't have been any more caring or compassionate. On days when he wasn't at school, Daniel returned to Little Gym and music class. By the end of the month, he was staying at school until 1:00 for lunch.
October took us to many local farms and pumpkin patches. Daniel loved the hayrides (well, really just the tractors that pulled them) and made me chase him through many a cornstalk maze. Halloween was a blast. Daniel dressed as Bob the Builder and trick-or-treated around our entire cul-de-sac! Despite my efforts to influence his candy choices, he seemed most interested in the lollipops. I gotta work on him for next year.
By November, Daniel was talking in pseudo-complete sentences. He was singing songs and playing along on his multiple musical instruments. Daddy brought home an old drum kit and set up shop in our dining room, where Daniel has spent many a morning/afternoon/evening banging away. Don't get me wrong -- the kid has rhythm! He seems to be a natural.
December has flown by, and here we are on the eve of the last day of 2009 (Hallelujah!). My gorgeous little boy is now 2 and a half years old. He loves school. He's curious and intuitive. Best of all, he's sweet and loving. I can't wait to see what he accomplishes in 2010!
Monday, December 7, 2009
Impervious to...Everything
Daniel is a trooper. Of course, most 2-year-olds are. Not only do they believe they are invincible, but they pretty much are. You know how the U.S. Post Office's slogan says they will deliver the mail come sleet, snow, rain, mudslide, or tsunami? (I'm paraphrasing.) My toddler will play outside in all aforementioned weather conditions. With no hat or gloves. Coat unzipped, inappropriate footwear, whatever. This past Saturday, we got our first snowfall of the season. Daniel insisted on going outside. ("Walk!" he demands.) I have not yet purchased snow boots or any sort of winter gear for him. But I knew the snow and cold wouldn't bother him, so I figured, "What the heck?" I stuffed his feet into last year's boots, pulled his coat sleeves down over his hands, and sent him outside.
He stayed out there for a good half-hour. Even then, he resisted Peter's attempts to get him back in the house. His hands and face were red, he could barely walk in his small boots, but he was having the time of his life. Cold temperatures and wet clothes weren't going to stop him. Peter was a different story. He couldn't wait to come inside, grumbling about the cold. I wonder what changes between the magical years of childhood and becoming a cynical adult. When do we lose the ability to weather all sorts of uncomfortable environments for the sake of good old-fashioned fun? What makes us adults such whiners?
And that's just where weather is concerned. Let's talk about pain for a moment. We all know that women have a remarkable tolerance for pain (trust me -- I delivered Daniel without medicinal assistance). But so does Daniel. He hurts himself at least once a day, and rarely makes a peep. Today I picked him up from school to find a huge scratch under one eye. His teacher doesn't know how it happened because Daniel didn't even flinch when it did. I'm thrilled that he's so resilient and not overly dramatic, but I am truly stumped as to how he will one day turn into his father. Peter cannot endure needles. He can't even handle a paper cut or hangnail without a lot of complaining. If he is feeling under the weather, he curls up in a ball on the sofa and moans. What happened to the little boy who was once impervious to pain? And, most importantly, is there any way I can keep Daniel from growing out of that?
He stayed out there for a good half-hour. Even then, he resisted Peter's attempts to get him back in the house. His hands and face were red, he could barely walk in his small boots, but he was having the time of his life. Cold temperatures and wet clothes weren't going to stop him. Peter was a different story. He couldn't wait to come inside, grumbling about the cold. I wonder what changes between the magical years of childhood and becoming a cynical adult. When do we lose the ability to weather all sorts of uncomfortable environments for the sake of good old-fashioned fun? What makes us adults such whiners?
And that's just where weather is concerned. Let's talk about pain for a moment. We all know that women have a remarkable tolerance for pain (trust me -- I delivered Daniel without medicinal assistance). But so does Daniel. He hurts himself at least once a day, and rarely makes a peep. Today I picked him up from school to find a huge scratch under one eye. His teacher doesn't know how it happened because Daniel didn't even flinch when it did. I'm thrilled that he's so resilient and not overly dramatic, but I am truly stumped as to how he will one day turn into his father. Peter cannot endure needles. He can't even handle a paper cut or hangnail without a lot of complaining. If he is feeling under the weather, he curls up in a ball on the sofa and moans. What happened to the little boy who was once impervious to pain? And, most importantly, is there any way I can keep Daniel from growing out of that?
Monday, November 30, 2009
A Perplexing Bathtime
Last night, as we attempted to give Daniel a bath, something strange happened. He wasn't at all hesitant to climb into the bathtub (which he has been a couple of times), but it pretty much all went downhill from there.
As he stood in 3 or 4 inches of water, testing it out before sitting down, Daniel peed. Now, this has happened before. He has peed while running naked down the hall towards the bathroom, as well as in the bathtub itself. I'm sure most moms would tell you this is very common. In fact, my Daniel might be one of the few 2-year-olds who has never pooped in the tub (though now I'm sure I've jinxed it).
For some reason, this time was different. He sat down in the tub, but he couldn't stop looking down at his penis. It was like he was scared by what had come out of there. I tried to wash him, but he kept whining and whimpering, saying, "Out, mommy, out!" He wouldn't play with his bath toys, or even take his hands off the edge of the tub. He just continued glancing down at his penis, distressed.
Washing his hair was interesting, since his head was pressed against my arm. When I rinsed the shampoo, most of the water poured over the side of the tub and onto my leg. All the while, I was trying to comfort him, telling him it was okay and that he was fine. But he wouldn't hear any of it. When I finally shut off the water and lifted him out of the tub, he seemed to calm down. Peter insisted on giving him some "naked time" before putting on his diaper, but Daniel just wrapped the towel more tightly around himself and dragged it into his room.
Once he was dressed and ready for bed, he was relaxed. There was no stress or unhappiness. I'm still not 100% sure that his peeing in the tub is what freaked him out. I'm just guessing because the whole situation was so strange. Tuesday night's bath should be interesting.
As he stood in 3 or 4 inches of water, testing it out before sitting down, Daniel peed. Now, this has happened before. He has peed while running naked down the hall towards the bathroom, as well as in the bathtub itself. I'm sure most moms would tell you this is very common. In fact, my Daniel might be one of the few 2-year-olds who has never pooped in the tub (though now I'm sure I've jinxed it).
For some reason, this time was different. He sat down in the tub, but he couldn't stop looking down at his penis. It was like he was scared by what had come out of there. I tried to wash him, but he kept whining and whimpering, saying, "Out, mommy, out!" He wouldn't play with his bath toys, or even take his hands off the edge of the tub. He just continued glancing down at his penis, distressed.
Washing his hair was interesting, since his head was pressed against my arm. When I rinsed the shampoo, most of the water poured over the side of the tub and onto my leg. All the while, I was trying to comfort him, telling him it was okay and that he was fine. But he wouldn't hear any of it. When I finally shut off the water and lifted him out of the tub, he seemed to calm down. Peter insisted on giving him some "naked time" before putting on his diaper, but Daniel just wrapped the towel more tightly around himself and dragged it into his room.
Once he was dressed and ready for bed, he was relaxed. There was no stress or unhappiness. I'm still not 100% sure that his peeing in the tub is what freaked him out. I'm just guessing because the whole situation was so strange. Tuesday night's bath should be interesting.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
On This Especially Poignant Thanksgiving...
This Thanksgiving is the first time I think I've ever felt such enormous gratitude. Sure, I'm a grateful person by nature. It's hard not to be when you survive a stroke at age 24, only to make a full recovery and be able to return to your normal life with nothing more than a little pill to keep you going. As most people now know, this past year has been a roller coaster of hopefulness and sadness for me. I continue to try and focus on the positive (which is not hard to do when you have such a gorgeous little boy greet you with a smile each morning). This year's list honors the people, places, and things in my life which are purely GOOD.
First and foremost, I am thankful for this little boy:
I'm also thankful for this guy, who happens to be an amazing Daddy:
And, of course, I'm thankful for this fluffy ball of love:
Sometimes I lie in bed with Daniel, Peter, and Ollie, and I'm overwhelmed by the amount of love and belonging I feel. I am loved unconditionally by all 3 of them, and they are my rock.
I am thankful to Daniel's school for making him feel so special and for encouraging him to try new things. I am thankful for my yoga class, which keeps me physically and mentally in shape and is a constant reminder of all that I have accomplished in the past 8 years. I am thankful for my Mommy friends, with whom I can commiserate without fear of being judged (and whose stories of personal struggle have gotten me through this tough year). I am thankful for cozy nights at home with my family, when it doesn't matter if I have a pimple or I'm a little bloated. All I'm expected to do is be present, in mind and body.
This list wouldn't be complete without some degree of superficiality. On that front, I'm thankful for chili lime tortilla chips, In Style magazine, and my Old Navy fleece pants. I'm thankful for TV shows like Glee and The Office, which always bring a smile to my face, and for actors like Simon Baker and Hugh Laurie, who aren't entirely unpleasant to stare at for an hour a week!
To sum it all up, I'm thankful to have the opportunity to be a stay-at-home mom. It is a blessing to spend each day with my little boy. With him in my life, even the dreariest days have sunshine.
First and foremost, I am thankful for this little boy:
I'm also thankful for this guy, who happens to be an amazing Daddy:
And, of course, I'm thankful for this fluffy ball of love:
Sometimes I lie in bed with Daniel, Peter, and Ollie, and I'm overwhelmed by the amount of love and belonging I feel. I am loved unconditionally by all 3 of them, and they are my rock.
I am thankful to Daniel's school for making him feel so special and for encouraging him to try new things. I am thankful for my yoga class, which keeps me physically and mentally in shape and is a constant reminder of all that I have accomplished in the past 8 years. I am thankful for my Mommy friends, with whom I can commiserate without fear of being judged (and whose stories of personal struggle have gotten me through this tough year). I am thankful for cozy nights at home with my family, when it doesn't matter if I have a pimple or I'm a little bloated. All I'm expected to do is be present, in mind and body.
This list wouldn't be complete without some degree of superficiality. On that front, I'm thankful for chili lime tortilla chips, In Style magazine, and my Old Navy fleece pants. I'm thankful for TV shows like Glee and The Office, which always bring a smile to my face, and for actors like Simon Baker and Hugh Laurie, who aren't entirely unpleasant to stare at for an hour a week!
To sum it all up, I'm thankful to have the opportunity to be a stay-at-home mom. It is a blessing to spend each day with my little boy. With him in my life, even the dreariest days have sunshine.
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